Short Stories | Storiesville.com - Daniel (thickblueline)

Daniel (thickblueline) Profile Page

Hits	882
Online Status	OFFLINE
Member Since	04/11/2008
Last Online	09/06/2008
Connections	3
Avg Profile Rating

About Myself:

just a new writer looking for some feedback

Stories

Published Short Stories

Date	Title	Category	Hits
Aug 27, 2008	Respite from hell	Horror	80
Aug 26, 2008	The Emissary	Science Fiction	78
Aug 19, 2008	Rookie, Chapter One	Miscellaneous Stories	55
Jun 3, 2008	Traffic Jammed	Miscellaneous Stories	172
May 24, 2008	I'm the Terrorist	Miscellaneous Stories	218
May 10, 2008	The Adventures of Phil, the Styrofoam Coffee Cup	Humor	209
May 3, 2008	Hostile Addictions CH. 2. part one	Miscellaneous Stories	142
May 3, 2008	Hostile Addictions CH. 1	Miscellaneous Stories	120
Apr 12, 2008	A Thick Blue Line	Miscellaneous Stories	180
Apr 12, 2008	Between Honor and Duty	Adventure	151
Apr 12, 2008	True Last Words	Miscellaneous Stories	208

Comments

Total number of comments: 23

Title article: The Emissary
Date: 2008-09-07 00:18:24

very perceptive
Bingo, David. That's just want I wanted people to infer. In this case, the human race could be in either position. I had hoped more people would comment on that, especially since I included that first sentence

Title article: Apparition of Justice
Date: 2008-08-26 21:50:33

well done
I gotta admit, I kinda thought the killer would turn out to be the sheriff. Very well written and it kept me guessing either way. The goosebumps were right there with me throughout the whole thing

Title article: A Child In The Garden
Date: 2008-08-26 03:21:48

...
Well done. I really didn't know what to make of it until the last paragraph. Then I had to reread the whole thing again. It was an interesting twist that you put on a new subject. Good job.

Title article: Stolen Innocence, Childhood Lost
Date: 2008-08-26 03:17:49

...
My, what a dramatic story. I hated the manipulative nature of the antagonist and felt so sorry for Aubrey. I expected her to be younger than 13, maybe ten or so. Good story. Great writing

Title article: Paranoid/Forget
Date: 2008-08-26 03:15:12

...
Yeah. I gotta say that there should be more to this. It was well written, but there needed to be more to the characters. Why was she feeling like that? Was something at stake? Has it happened before? And maybe the ending could have been a little more dramatic. I dunno.

Title article: Punishment
Date: 2008-08-20 19:57:19

Great
Great story. It kept me hanging in there until the end. It somewhat reminded me of a story I wrote called True Last Words. The ending was truly unexpected and I liked it a lot.

Title article: You Can Eat Now
Date: 2008-08-19 18:25:01

...
Wow. I half expected the brothers and sisters to eat Mama after she fainted. Very creepy and well written. A few spelling errors but nothing that took away from the feel of the story

Title article: The Graveyard Greens
Date: 2008-08-16 18:48:10

...
This is a cute story. The dialogue between the two characters reminds me of how conversations go between me and some of my friends. Granted we've never discussed anything quite this morbid, but it was still a good read and brough a smile to my face.

Title article: The Darkest Night, Chapter 1
Date: 2008-08-16 18:42:51

...
I agree with the second comment, it kinda left me confused with the switching from present to past tense. I would use a few more foreshadowing techniques to explain to the reader why the main character is feeling jumpy, instead of just a feeling of anxiety with no discernible cause. I look forward to reading more of your writing

Title article: Just a Tease
Date: 2008-08-11 18:55:55

......
Nice story. I didn't see the ending coming and I like to think of myself as a pretty perceptive person. In the first paragraph I would refine the descriptive words so they don't seem so repetitive. Otherwise, good job

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Forum

Last 10 Forum Posts

Date	Subject	Category	Hits
08/27/2008 02:35:17	Re:How Do You?	Off-Topic	1327
06/08/2008 23:05:14	At last, the end is near	Off-Topic	135
05/19/2008 21:49:54	Re:Favorite Author	Off-Topic	3774