Daniel (thickblueline) Profile Page
Daniel (thickblueline)
Hits 729
Online Status OFFLINE
Member Since 04/11/2008
Last Online 08/21/2008
Connections 3
Avg Profile Rating
 
About Myself: just a new writer looking for some feedback

Stories


Published Short Stories

 
DateTitleCategoryHits
May 24, 2008I'm the TerroristMiscellaneous Stories 206
May 10, 2008The Adventures of Phil, the Styrofoam Coffee CupHumor 201
Apr 12, 2008True Last WordsMiscellaneous Stories 193
Apr 12, 2008A Thick Blue LineMiscellaneous Stories 166
Jun 3, 2008Traffic JammedMiscellaneous Stories 165
Apr 12, 2008Between Honor and DutyAdventure 140
May 3, 2008Hostile Addictions CH. 2. part oneMiscellaneous Stories 134
May 3, 2008Hostile Addictions CH. 1Miscellaneous Stories 113
Aug 19, 2008Rookie, Chapter OneMiscellaneous Stories 31

Comments

Total number of comments: 18

Title article: Punishment
Date: 2008-08-20 19:57:19
Great
Great story. It kept me hanging in there until the end. It somewhat reminded me of a story I wrote called True Last Words. The ending was truly unexpected and I liked it a lot.

Title article: You Can Eat Now
Date: 2008-08-19 18:25:01
...
Wow. I half expected the brothers and sisters to eat Mama after she fainted. Very creepy and well written. A few spelling errors but nothing that took away from the feel of the story

Title article: The Void, Chapter 1
Date: 2008-08-19 18:20:31
...
I likd it. I'm interested to see where it is going. Maybe add a little bit more description so that I can picture the office and the surroundings more clearly. Also, the Main character was a little bit of an enigma, but that can be clarified as the story progesses. Good job

Title article: The Graveyard Greens
Date: 2008-08-16 18:48:10
...
This is a cute story. The dialogue between the two characters reminds me of how conversations go between me and some of my friends. Granted we've never discussed anything quite this morbid, but it was still a good read and brough a smile to my face.

Title article: The Darkest Night, Chapter 1
Date: 2008-08-16 18:42:51
...
I agree with the second comment, it kinda left me confused with the switching from present to past tense. I would use a few more foreshadowing techniques to explain to the reader why the main character is feeling jumpy, instead of just a feeling of anxiety with no discernible cause. I look forward to reading more of your writing

Title article: Just a Tease
Date: 2008-08-11 18:55:55
......
Nice story. I didn't see the ending coming and I like to think of myself as a pretty perceptive person. In the first paragraph I would refine the descriptive words so they don't seem so repetitive. Otherwise, good job

Title article: Traffic Jammed
Date: 2008-06-03 19:23:46
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yea, this story is 100 percent true and was written while the events were occurring. I realized that it was kind of drawn out, but it wasn't like I had anything better to do ;-) Thanks for your comment

Title article: Hero
Date: 2008-05-19 14:41:35
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I liked it. Powerful stuff, especially when you realize that this kind of stuff actually does happen

Title article: Pedestrian
Date: 2008-04-25 21:25:17
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nice story. I loved how you left the ending open and the way you built the suspense with the reaction of the cadillac driver. The one bit of advise I can offer is you may want to put an attention getter in the first few sentences. Something to really grab me and make me want to read the rest of the story.

Title article: Ouija
Date: 2008-04-23 01:38:33
...
Good description of some things but others needed to be clarified a little bit.

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Forum


Last 10 Forum Posts
DateSubjectCategoryHits
06/08/2008 23:05:14At last, the end is nearOff-Topic120
05/19/2008 21:49:54Re:Favorite AuthorOff-Topic3310

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Daniel (thickblueline)'s connections

OFFLINE Max Booth III (Zombie Punk)
OFFLINE Jason Haugh (Something Indecent)
OFFLINE D.A. Ross (D.A. Ross)
 

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