Awakening of Minds (Part One)

So there I was, looking once more at the device on the...

My Present

I wrote this poem and had RE Potter look it over. ...
Xena Elvoniche (Xena) Profile Page
Xena Elvoniche (Xena)
Hits 3289
Online Status OFFLINE
Member Since 03/19/2008
Last Online 09/04/2008
Connections 4
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Website/Blog: bomboob.com
About Myself: love love love you all

Stories


Published Short Stories

 
DateTitleCategoryHits
Sep 3, 2008Girls Just Wanna Have Fun Chapter Deuce 1/2Romance 57
Jul 13, 2008The Lord and The Pink Skunk 3 Chapter Nuevo RevelationsAdventure 293
Jul 4, 2008Girls Just Wanna have funNon-Fiction 199
Jun 25, 2008The exotic tales of a pink skunk and a cucumber, Chapter 76Romance 331
Jun 18, 2008A Pink Skunk and His Lord, Chapter 36Adventure 152
Jun 15, 2008The Moon is My Pet and My LoverMystery 186
Apr 25, 2008Adventures of Undead DaddyAdventure 281
Apr 24, 2008A Brazen ShameMiscellaneous Stories 243
Apr 10, 2008The Birth and Death of a Gang(ster)(s)Romance 430
Apr 7, 2008The Subway AngelScience Fiction 254
Mar 20, 2008Panda Jesus: Or How Jesus Got His Panda BackPoetry 268
Mar 20, 2008Chapter 5 RocksMystery 288

Comments

Title article: Movie Theater Blues
Date: 2008-08-20 22:15:30
humlamalamalmula
this is a sad story. but you made it not so sad... even when you shouldnt of.. does that make sense? like the grammar and stuff made it unbelievable.. that is i didnt believe a thirty something once lonely women actually wrote this... you know? cause you know like the grammar.. besides all of the obvious hts and such.. which could of been handeled by a simple spell check but was not.. for some reason which i think is a defense system. but i wont argue... but beside that... Marriage and a daughters go hand in hand as soon as the girl is born. should delete the a.. but its still confusing... and does it really go hand in hand when theyre born? what third world country does this take place lol no jk... anyway you go onto use consisted in the same sentence... change one of them to something else... that goes for alot of the other repetition... oh and i didnt realize she was 46.. and still living with her sister... thats kinda out there... but anyway.. oh and ballroom dancing lessons is

Title article: A Feeling Of Love, Chapter 5
Date: 2008-08-13 22:42:35
ahh
ahh i cant say i liked this one as much as the last one or ones... i guess this one just ties everything together... its a nice ending but i liked the last the best i think

Title article: A Feeling Of Love, Chapter 4
Date: 2008-08-13 22:41:05
ahh
I dont think im overstating anything when i say i really liked this one. It is raw and to the point... i like it i like it alot! nad this guy is crazy.. i was shocked when he actually did it. i didnt think he was gonna but he killed her.. dang

Title article: The Elephant Dance, Chapter 1
Date: 2008-08-08 01:41:49
hmmm
a few good lines i liked... not bad.. the elephant character was money.. pretty extremo.... and like i dont know mr dog man.. im mixed about the ending... like i assume she killed herself because of what just happened with the elephant.. but i didnt get that feeling.. maybe if it was more connecting and shoed something that demoniastrates how confused she is shes gonna cut her throat.. i dont know. i think it works

Title article: 3-way # 5
Date: 2008-08-07 19:24:20
ps
it would of been really neat if you posted it like.. three minutes before whoever the douschebag is in front of you in the recent stories window.. 3way number 5. a love poem. neat. would have been. 
 
... ohhh alfreds got jokes!.. i mean.. poems.... .. .

Title article: 3-way # 5
Date: 2008-08-07 19:18:10
srry not finished pressed wrong key
you know i expected something after the beaver story...i guess thats what im just trying to say. and arnt these things supposed to be short.. and the puncuation at points messes up the line for me... these have good stuff.. and also not good stuff.

Title article: 3-way # 5
Date: 2008-08-07 19:14:32
sex
and then were left to assume there will be funny hijinks going on between the guy who wants sex and the new girl who wont knwo what the fuck is going on... and we chuckle to ourselves.. but then thers more.. ok ok ill nibble a dibble what happens... ok so shes switching from person to person... is she gonna make a huh oh speggehitios? no shes pretty good at this.. thats no fun. oh now hes crying, but she doesnt wanna listen to him and switches over... should of left it there. not bad.. but she switches and continues with guy. and says goodbye. oh and so she DOES do this a lot. so whats the basis m night shama? nothing happend it all went well. wheres the mind bending hallucinations of god and panda bears killing hosers

Title article: 3-way # 5
Date: 2008-08-07 19:04:53
these stories
are kind of like m night shamalamanahans, you know who im talking about... and why. If you or anybody liked the 'happening' ill kill you good. cause like... the first i kinda of liked... like i wanna like it.. cause its funnily vulgar, and the stupid premise tickles my fancy... but it keeps going after it should of stopped. i mean like what if someone was telling you a funny joke, but after genuily laughing at the punchline you find out that its not the punchline... there is no punchline.. i dont know it made me feel unsexy. the beaver and the cuntarnia and the little quips from the dad were nice.. but then the oompa and lion. no need. like there was a beaver in her vagina or cuntonia, and then you leave me with a oompa and a lion? cmon now m night shamalan. but i still liked it.. but the second one.. same thing but...i didnt like it. i could of not not liked it.. but it kept going. like it could of been pretty humerous just leaving it at, he picked when she said shed have phone

Title article: image
Date: 2008-08-07 18:40:37
well
this was stupid... are you fucking stupid? im kidding i liked this pretty well... except for the turning invisible part.. like turning invisible is pretty generic.. but not so much for girls wanting to turn invisible to spy on guys.. you know its usually the other way around... so its not so generic after all... even tho i AM generalizing... but still.. you know.

Title article: gone was the girl
Date: 2008-08-07 18:27:40
hey
hey how long has this story been promoted for? is this a new one? or am i htinking of something different... anyway i thought your character description was good and you could of used more hyperbbubbles.... i didnt read... or reread the story. oh and youve got some grammar errors hear and there, but i liked the end... pretty good huh? how did i know that? magic.

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Name Entry
Christian Wright (The 13th)

hell
 Created On: 07/09/2008 05:02:59
Edited By Christian Wright (The 13th) On: 07/30/2008 12:52:48
I'm in a better mood now.

Roby Thomas (Roby)

St. Clair Shores, MI
 Created On: 07/08/2008 05:47:02
I don't mind the bad review, it's just stepping stones to making a better story. However, sounds like you know from experience about pills.
Max Booth III (Zombie Punk)

I DONT KNOW!!!
 Created On: 07/04/2008 01:08:06
Edited By Max Booth III (Zombie Punk) On: 07/04/2008 01:09:25
at least your head doesnt hurt...


Your stories are truely inspiring and deserve every reward possible.
Philip Neale (philneale1952)

Derbyshire
 Created On: 07/04/2008 00:37:48
I'll be a liitle more polite.

Good morning......

Phil
Sorrow Is My Mask (resistanceisfreedom)

 Created On: 06/29/2008 18:15:22
AY! Did YOU know that you're a fucking moron????
Christian Wright (The 13th)

in the dark
 Created On: 04/11/2008 06:04:55
oceans 13 is the best film ever!!!

David Neve (Tarhead Mugwump)

hill country, texas
 Created On: 03/20/2008 13:21:12
"i am who i am, and that's all that i am" - popeye...

welcome to storiesville!
R.E.Potter (R.E.Potter)
This e-mail address is being protected from spam bots, you need JavaScript enabled to view it 		Created On: 03/20/2008 12:04:28
Are u a Panda

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