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Carey Joyce (Carey Joyce) Profile Page

Hits	224
Online Status	OFFLINE
Member Since	03/16/2008 19:01:45
Last Online	04/17/2008 05:56:37
Last Updated	03/18/2008 04:29:18
Connections	0
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About Myself:

someday I hope to have the courage to follow my heart.

Date	Title	Hits	Rating
Thursday, 20 March 2008	Street Value	138	/ 10
Wednesday, 19 March 2008	Japanese Restaurant	235	/ 3
Monday, 17 March 2008	The Dealership	246	/ 8

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Comments

Total number of comments: 19

Title article: my pleasure
Date: 2008-03-31 20:24:56

I consider myself very tolerant and open minded. but as a heterosexual male, that was the most uncomfortable thing I have ever read.

If you were going for the Shock effect you definetly got me.

Title article: Eternity Is A Very Long Time
Date: 2008-03-24 22:01:03

Alfred, this story is way to advanced for Sesame street.

Sesame street would be, "T is for tree!" and thats it.

maybe you should read it again.

Title article: Shallow Waves
Date: 2008-03-24 21:09:09

Sad Sara, aren't you the writer of this poem?

are you really that nutty?

can I write a story about you?

Title article: AN OFFICE SCENE NEW YORK 1926.
Date: 2008-03-24 20:02:47

I think Louis and Louise are the same person. and that person decided to stop trying to fit in with society and do what they loved.

Title article: Trolleys
Date: 2008-03-24 19:59:44

I was bored at first but became intrigued with the descriptions of his home life and relationship with his mother.

Title article: Little Johnny
Date: 2008-03-24 19:51:55

That was a great ending, I definetly did not see it coming.

I do think the last paragraph should be longer, explaining a little better about his murderous thoughts.

Title article: The stolen car
Date: 2008-03-24 19:45:56

This is good, but you can tell it's his son pretty early in the story.

I can't think of a way to make it less obvious though.

Title article: This Title; Alfred, Has Something To Do With The Story
Date: 2008-03-24 11:08:57

This happened to me once when I was teenager. everything except the fighting. liquor, mini-golf, friend getting too drunk, puke in the car, leaving him at doorstep of parents.

Title article: Japanese Restaurant
Date: 2008-03-20 13:08:53

His wife asking where is supposed to indicate that he does this often (spaces out and becomes delusional). she asks so she can find out what and if he forgot anything from wherever he was.

she isn't understanding, just indifferent and annoyed and maybe to concerned with her own world to see that he is totally nuts and should be put in an institute or at minimum heavily drugged.

Title article: Japanese Restaurant
Date: 2008-03-20 09:39:55

yes, I had a tough time making the action scenes flow well.

I wrote that several years ago, I came up with the whole sequence while sitting by myself at a sushi bar drinking a beer. So the restaurant described is a real place and those where the people there when I visualized it all.

and no, I'm not the next university shooter.

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