Elijah

The distant door closed shut behind him with a click....

Thirteen Years Of Gray, Chapter 3

A moment later, Mary Hasserman had peeked into Lori's...
Carey Joyce (Carey Joyce) Profile Page
Carey Joyce (Carey Joyce)
Hits 621
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Member Since 03/16/2008
Last Online 04/17/2008
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About Myself: someday I hope to have the courage to follow my heart.

Stories


Published Short Stories

 
DateTitleCategoryHits
Mar 20, 2008Street ValueMiscellaneous Stories 228
Mar 19, 2008Japanese RestaurantMiscellaneous Stories 437
Mar 17, 2008The DealershipMiscellaneous Stories 337

Comments

Total number of comments: 19

Title article: my pleasure
Date: 2008-03-31 20:24:56

I consider myself very tolerant and open minded. but as a heterosexual male, that was the most uncomfortable thing I have ever read.  
 
If you were going for the Shock effect you definetly got me.

Title article: Eternity Is A Very Long Time
Date: 2008-03-24 22:01:03

Alfred, this story is way to advanced for Sesame street.  
 
Sesame street would be, "T is for tree!" and thats it. 
 
 
maybe you should read it again.

Title article: Shallow Waves
Date: 2008-03-24 21:09:09

Sad Sara, aren't you the writer of this poem?  
 
are you really that nutty? 
 
can I write a story about you?

Title article: Trolleys
Date: 2008-03-24 19:59:44

I was bored at first but became intrigued with the descriptions of his home life and relationship with his mother.

Title article: Little Johnny
Date: 2008-03-24 19:51:55

That was a great ending, I definetly did not see it coming.  
 
I do think the last paragraph should be longer, explaining a little better about his murderous thoughts.

Title article: The stolen car
Date: 2008-03-24 19:45:56

This is good, but you can tell it's his son pretty early in the story.  
 
I can't think of a way to make it less obvious though.

Title article: Japanese Restaurant
Date: 2008-03-20 13:08:53

His wife asking where is supposed to indicate that he does this often (spaces out and becomes delusional). she asks so she can find out what and if he forgot anything from wherever he was.  
 
she isn't understanding, just indifferent and annoyed and maybe to concerned with her own world to see that he is totally nuts and should be put in an institute or at minimum heavily drugged.

Title article: Japanese Restaurant
Date: 2008-03-20 09:39:55

yes, I had a tough time making the action scenes flow well.  
 
I wrote that several years ago, I came up with the whole sequence while sitting by myself at a sushi bar drinking a beer. So the restaurant described is a real place and those where the people there when I visualized it all.  
 
and no, I'm not the next university shooter.

Title article: witchiness?
Date: 2008-03-20 09:25:11

This seems like the first chapter for a longer story.  
Am I missing something in the ending?

Title article: 11:11 And 11:12 Can Be Different
Date: 2008-03-19 18:04:04

I read this 3 times and still don't understand the purchase price for the two chocolate bars. shouldn't it be two pennies short of two dollars?  
 
the part about the head-on collision was interesting, but would be more so with more facts involved. you mention the weight of the vehicle which was good. maybe throw in the old "every 10 miles per hour in speed is like driving off a 1 story building, double the height for a head-on" supposedly this is true.  
 
after reading it a few times I cant help but think of Patrick Bateman as a suburbanite.  
 
 
 
I'm definetly adding this to my favorites, you have managed to combine the styles of my two favorite writers in this piece, Brett Easton Ellis and Chuck Palahniuk.

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