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Hans Goober jogged the four and a half miles to the...

Darkening, Chapter 1 Author: Jessie Masoner...

Gregg (Kanarf) Profile Page

Hits	753
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Member Since	03/01/2008
Last Online	08/29/2008
Connections	1
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Stories

Published Short Stories

Date	Title	Category	Hits
Mar 26, 2008	Brain Chatter	Poetry	145
Mar 26, 2008	Consumer	Poetry	187
Mar 2, 2008	Orcs	Adventure	350
Aug 20, 2008	The Necromancer	Science Fiction	146
Aug 21, 2008	The Sunset	Miscellaneous Stories	91

Comments

Total number of comments: 35

Title article: Just a Tease
Date: 2008-08-29 17:40:57

roflomg
oh man, this was soooo funny! I laughed so much.

Title article: MARY'S MIXED MEDITATIONS.
Date: 2008-08-29 14:00:32

Paragraphs please!!!!

This could use some work. There are many places where you had too many commas. I also noticed a place near the beginning where you said "da" instead of "dad"

Title article: freedom floats
Date: 2008-08-29 13:53:16

hmm, bizarre to say the least. kind of reminds me of Poe. It's hard for me to give feedback because I'm not really sure what point you are trying to convey.

Title article: Befitting the Undead
Date: 2008-08-28 21:24:37

Nice poem. I didn't think the changing rhyme schemes were distracting. I thought it flowed quite well.

The only thing i think this needs is a new title.

Title article: To BELIEVE or NOT To BELIEVE
Date: 2008-08-28 21:16:32

Nice little parable.

The guru's teachings reminded me of bokonism in Vonnegut's cat's cradle.

I did think the zombie robot thing was distracting. They could be replaced with something that makes more sense (a doctor a lawyer and a mechanic maybe?)

Title article: Love At First Sight
Date: 2008-08-28 20:52:13

whoops
sorry, I didn't read carefully enough. That completely slipped by me.

I just read it again, and I'd say it has potential. The delivery doesn't really appeal to me. I had to work to keep reading. Maybe its just me.

Title article: My Present
Date: 2008-08-28 20:40:43

WHAO!
That was an amazing poem. The flow was perfect. The first stanza hooked me, and the rest flowed like milk from a pitcher. I liked the emotion too. It really gave me the feeling of someone looking for acceptance.

Title article: To Whom It May Concern
Date: 2008-08-28 20:32:18

Nice little flash fiction. Before the end, it made me think of mettalica's "the unforgiven". The ending wasn't surprising, but it's a good thought-provoker.

Title article: Haiku-Untitled
Date: 2008-08-28 20:18:48

Good haiku. It was as full of imagery and emotion as 17 syllables can be. The only thing that irks me is "tragic blade". The blade is tragic?

It seems like the adjective should be something to the effect of "hungry" or "thirsty". (probably not either of those, rather a synonym that sounds good)

Title article: Love At First Sight
Date: 2008-08-28 20:05:06

This didn't really do it for me. It sounded exaggerated and cliche. Also, poems that don't rhyme or have some other clear rhythm are tricky in my opinion.

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Date	Subject	Category	Hits
03/27/2008 09:28:15	Re:The idea of poetry....	Off-Topic	616

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