The Exorcism of Oprah Winfrey

I hear her voice call out my name and I sigh....

Awakening of Minds (part one)

So there I was, looking once more at the device...

Nunyo Bidness (cookingWine) Profile Page
Nunyo Bidness (cookingWine)
Hits 3266
Online Status OFFLINE
Last Online 07/05/2008
Connections 12
Avg Profile Rating
 
About Myself: This seems to be a popular topic directed at me, so I'll address it.
Q.
You sure seem to be a know-it-all when you comment, yet you don't do it on your stories. What's the deal?
A.
Simply, I write things the way I like to write them. I think that everyone should do the same. The reason I point out when other people fail at this is because sometimes they aren't aware of it and how disastrous it can be to their story. I, (<--example of something I like to do) know that I am writing badly when I do so, because that is what I enjoy doing and will continue to do so.

The bottom line is that I can help your story become better, conventionally and just to me (but very rarely both, together). If you'd would like that service, I would be happy to do it.


Feel free to let me know of all my shortcomings as a writer, person, or any other facet of my life as you see fit.
I will be the guy grinning on his high horse.
Cheers!
(If you're going to take the time to read something, take the time to give it an intelligent review. A sentence or two of feedback is like giving a nickel tip on a thirty dollar bill.)

Stories


Published Short Stories

 
DateTitleCategoryHits
Jul 3, 2008Honest Livings.Miscellaneous Stories 63
Jun 22, 2008Preferences.Miscellaneous Stories 58
Jun 14, 2008Velocity.Miscellaneous Stories 78
Jun 11, 2008Coffee Stains, Chapter 2Miscellaneous Stories 199
Jun 8, 2008Coffee Stains, Chapter 1Miscellaneous Stories 443
May 25, 2008His Favorite Chords.Miscellaneous Stories 526
Apr 27, 2008Admittedly, I Have Been Busy.Miscellaneous Stories 187
Mar 19, 200811:11 And 11:12 Can Be DifferentMiscellaneous Stories 483
Mar 14, 2008Drops Of Rain.Miscellaneous Stories 229
Mar 10, 2008The Sunlight That Didn't Come Through The Blinds.Miscellaneous Stories 232
Mar 8, 2008How Dolan Quit His Job, Without Pronouncing His Name.Miscellaneous Stories 218
Mar 6, 2008You Can't Unring A Bell.Miscellaneous Stories 236
Mar 5, 2008The Strangest Places.Miscellaneous Stories 232
Mar 4, 2008A Man Possessed.Miscellaneous Stories 194
Mar 2, 2008There Are Many Ways (This Not Being One).Miscellaneous Stories 217
Feb 28, 2008It's Free. You Can't Get A Refund.Miscellaneous Stories 288
Feb 27, 2008One Is Always Enough.Miscellaneous Stories 414
Feb 27, 2008I Guess?Miscellaneous Stories 251
Feb 26, 2008Roosters and Lions In Monotone.Miscellaneous Stories 246

Forum


Last 10 Forum Posts
DateSubjectCategoryHits
05/27/2008 09:10:25Re:Comments: Tragedy and Good IntentionsOff-Topic897
05/26/2008 20:46:26Comments: Tragedy and Good IntentionsOff-Topic897
05/21/2008 22:49:20Re:Favorite AuthorOff-Topic2481
05/20/2008 11:12:23Re:Writing TipsOff-Topic574
05/20/2008 11:11:48Re:Writing TipsOff-Topic574
03/13/2008 23:12:52Re:What do YOU do when planning stories?Off-Topic733
03/01/2008 01:58:42Re:Appreciate it.Off-Topic492
02/29/2008 05:09:48Appreciate it.Off-Topic492

Connection

Nunyo Bidness (cookingWine)'s connections

OFFLINE Kasi (Kasi elaborated)
OFFLINE Philip Neale (philneale1952)
OFFLINE Dipankar Dasgupta (d.dasgupta)
OFFLINE JJ Tyler (JJtyler)
OFFLINE Jody (Jody)
OFFLINE tomahawk (tomahawk)
OFFLINE Thomas Reynolds (ThomasP3)
OFFLINE Christopher Chadwyck (Chadwyck45)
OFFLINE Egoist (Egoist)
OFFLINE Patrick Lytle (PKLytle)
 
<< Start < Prev [1] 2 Next > End >>

Guestbook


Name Entry
Jutta Motrin (Juttabell^^)

 Created On: 06/17/2008 06:35:22
Edited By Jutta Motrin (CELL) On: 06/17/2008 06:36:00
White Tiger
Jutta Motrin (Juttabell^^)

 Created On: 06/13/2008 07:46:37
Edited By Jutta Motrin (CELL) On: 06/17/2008 06:36:32
Funny, I remember the conversation going more like this:


>>>>>>>>>>CELL wrote:
>>>>>>>>>>>>>Eh, I'm bored. Goodbye.

>>>>>>>>>> cookingWine wrote:
>>>>>>>>>>>>Of course Juttabell, and you know that they only go "peuw peuw" for you!

>>>>>>>CELL wrote:
>>>>>>>>>> Fanny Pack (i.e. you), not unless you have some lasers inside you.

>>>>>>>>cookingWine wrote:
>>>>>>>>>> You are so gracious Juttabell, please, may I compliment you on your anatomy?

>>>>>CELL wrote:
>>>>>>>> Eh, sure you can be my fanny pack.

>>>>cookingWine wrote:
>>>>> Please Juttabell!
Jutta Motrin (Juttabell^^)

 Created On: 06/12/2008 13:40:22
Edited By Jutta Motrin (CELL) On: 06/13/2008 07:29:27
My fanny pack.
Jutta Motrin (Juttabell^^)

 Created On: 05/28/2008 12:10:36
Edited By Jutta Motrin (CELL) On: 05/28/2008 12:12:32
Those aren't stink lines. It's the emanating glory that surrounds me.
Jutta Motrin (Juttabell^^)

 Created On: 05/26/2008 15:09:22
I heard you don't bathe.
Feedback from Nunyo Bidness (cookingWine): I heard it's just the reflective stink from you.
Jutta Motrin (Juttabell^^)

 Created On: 05/25/2008 19:00:08
Edited By Jutta Motrin (CELL) On: 06/12/2008 14:06:40
to answer your question, if the air around Earth froze it'd look like a cube, and then Subzero Earth would get placed inside an ice cube tray. I dunno why, would definitely eliminate an ice cube tray's purpose, but well, that's just what I heard... you know, just from around...
Feedback from Nunyo Bidness (cookingWine): I heard you suck.
Jutta Motrin (Juttabell^^)

 Created On: 05/13/2008 17:46:01
Hello, ugly.
Sorrow Is My Mask (resistanceisfreedom)

 Created On: 04/30/2008 13:08:03
You can go fuck yourself. And then go pour another glass of that boring wine.
Feedback from Nunyo Bidness (cookingWine): Cheers!
Jutta Motrin (Juttabell^^)

 Created On: 04/30/2008 06:32:44
Hahaha, shut up Cole-Man!!
Or I'll have to serve you with my
mean, electric dance moves!
Jutta Motrin (Juttabell^^)

cookingWine's a party pooper
 Created On: 03/26/2008 13:19:49
Edited By Yahaira Nunez (Pez) On: 03/27/2008 07:26:12
Oi, fine... previous comment withdrawn.

Just found it funny how you say, or rather type, "... and all that jazz."
<< Start < Prev [1] 2 Next > End >>

Comments

Title article: Tricky Old Women
Date: 2008-05-25 18:48:11

Quality stuff. I really enjoyed that. 
I think this is your niche, to be honest. It feels like a shoe that fits to me. 
 
You really have to wonder why more old women aren't like this. 
 
Don't force dialogue. You can create breaks without putting them in text. Separate some things like this to create a natural break or awkwardness; 
"Good day," she said, grabbing her purse as my foot fidgeted. "Don't be so nervous." 
 
Even if that sucked, I hope it made sense in a general direction.

Title article: another
Date: 2008-05-23 21:31:09

Okay. And? 
 
I mean, sure. This could happen. But so what? 
 
This is a string of events. There really aren't dynamic characters, just two people going through a tragedy. You didn't give them any choices, or the reader. I felt like I was being talked to, not having a story being told to me. 
 
The best example I can give is when you tell a horror story with the flashlight on your face and all that jazz, the reason they were scary (or were, thanks to 2000's television and violence) the reason it's scary is because the kid goes home and relates it to his life, and in a way, makes the story his own the next time if he retells it. 
Without giving the characters the ability to make decisions with some emotional clout is like telling a kid he's going to get eaten, instead of telling him who's eating him, when he's going to be eaten, where he should suspect it, ect. 
 
Dialogue that is always at the front of a sentence makes the end of the sentence meaningless. 
 
Keep on keeping on. 
-CS.

Title article: untitled assignment
Date: 2008-05-23 13:01:14

A pregnant Indian hunter-gatherer who philosophizes, swears, questions, who doesn't know anything but continues on writing a note to herself. 
Native Americans didn't have cash, no. But they bartered, which is essentially the same thing without a representative standard value so I don't know about the bit where she's addressing how trivial money is. 
 
I've always thought it's kind of funny that we die eventually. It's not really fair, to be honest. 
 
I think this had a little of comedy, a little of interesting perspective, a little conflicting knowledge given to us about the character; and overall, I think it was worth reading. And I think I got in too deep for an "untitled assignment". 
Have a good one.

Title article: Dodmen, Chapter One
Date: 2008-05-21 11:16:16

I liked it. Keep doing what you're doing. 
 
The transition into a proposal was very clean and unproblematic, and transitions are a hard thing to do with success. 
 
Please, remember to use capitalization. It is trivial, but it is distracting. Like Britney Spears on the news. 
 
^cs.

Title article: Gabe & Dianne (chapter 1)
Date: 2008-05-20 13:38:47

The vodka and coke is a strange drink. 
 
You need to take a class in grammar. One piece of advice: read your story out loud to yourself and edit it like that. Where it is longwinded, look to cut sentences or break with a comma. You shouldn't have to breath again before you finish a sentence or it's too long. 
Commas can alleviate that along with dividing sentences. 
 
The dialogue was beyond cheesy. If your friends and you talk like that you need to find new friends because that is the definition of boring chatter. 
 
Don't always start paragraphs with dialogue. It makes for a tough read. 
 
I didn't like it. I like the idea of the ten things list but they aren't interesting things. 
 
You need to find a way to make it yours instead of writing it for someone else, because that's the omnipresent feeling that came with it.

Title article: the Processor-Chapter 1
Date: 2008-05-20 09:23:41

This sounds like an excerpt from gossip girls, if I were to guess. 
For me; 
it's too "And I did this. Then we did this. Then we did that." 
Ellipses (...) don't need to be used that often. It's distracting. 
 
It needs expansion on ideas, not story lines. 
 
At times, it feels like you aren't comfortable typing in those shoes. The short, incomplete sentences don't really accomplish anything and turns them more into a mistake than an expression.  
 
I really had no idea it was even possible to have this; 
",...". 
 
You don't need to tell us when to break. You should drop hints, not flash neon signs. A simple period can do the same job (or, that's when you should be splitting sentences into bursts of incomplete thought). 
 
If you'd like any other opinions, let me know. 
 
Keep on. 
^cs.

Title article: Our Words
Date: 2008-05-20 07:12:02

Very precise language. Definitely the concrete that it was built on, for me. 
 
That has to be the first time I've heard confabulation in practical use, and that kind of represents my whole feeling about it. 
It works for what its intended readership is, but for a non-sophisticate (and to be noted, non-poet) like myself, it strikes as eccentric. 
 
Keep on. 
:cs

Title article: Struggles at the Center of the Universe.
Date: 2008-05-18 07:39:51

Well, this is the first time I've seen it post a story and disregard the part where it tells you who wrote it. 
It was written by me.

Title article: Do You Love Me Still?
Date: 2008-05-14 06:07:51

Eh. In comparison to your others, don't like it.

Title article: when i was born again
Date: 2008-05-12 12:03:53

I looked at this, and literally sighed. It's really hard to drudge through line after line that have no paragraph splits. It's like if a novel wasn't split into chapters.

Pictures

Picture/Images uploaded by the member



No Items published in this profile gallery
 

Favorites

Total number of favourites: 1

Title 
»  Volkswagen full of wasps


Remove Ads