Nunyo Bidness (cookingWine) Profile Page
Nunyo Bidness (cookingWine)
Hits 4646
Online Status OFFLINE
Member Since 02/26/2008
Last Online 09/07/2008
Connections 12
Avg Profile Rating
 
About Myself: I think it's awesome that the site automatically bleeps words like shit and fuck.

Stories


Published Short Stories

 
DateTitleCategoryHits
Mar 19, 200811:11 And 11:12 Can Be DifferentMiscellaneous Stories 526
Mar 4, 2008A Man Possessed.Miscellaneous Stories 238
Apr 27, 2008Admittedly, I Have Been Busy.Miscellaneous Stories 286
Jun 8, 2008Coffee Stains, Chapter 1Miscellaneous Stories 505
Jun 11, 2008Coffee Stains, Chapter 2Miscellaneous Stories 240
Mar 14, 2008Drops Of Rain.Miscellaneous Stories 273
May 25, 2008His Favorite Chords.Miscellaneous Stories 597
Jul 3, 2008Honest Livings.Miscellaneous Stories 146
Mar 8, 2008How Dolan Quit His Job, Without Pronouncing His Name.Miscellaneous Stories 283
Feb 27, 2008I Guess?Miscellaneous Stories 304
Feb 28, 2008It's Free. You Can't Get A Refund.Miscellaneous Stories 346
Aug 23, 2008Life As He Knew It.Miscellaneous Stories 98
Feb 27, 2008One Is Always Enough.Miscellaneous Stories 458
Jun 22, 2008Preferences.Miscellaneous Stories 105
Feb 26, 2008Roosters and Lions In Monotone.Miscellaneous Stories 276
Mar 5, 2008The Strangest Places.Miscellaneous Stories 277
Mar 10, 2008The Sunlight That Didn't Come Through The Blinds.Miscellaneous Stories 306
Mar 2, 2008There Are Many Ways (This Not Being One).Miscellaneous Stories 262
Jul 11, 2008Unavoidable Detours Created By The Elderly.Miscellaneous Stories 160
Jul 20, 2008Under The Stars.Miscellaneous Stories 151
<< Start < Prev [1] 2 Next > End >>

Comments

Total number of comments: 176

Title article: Claustrophobia
Date: 2008-09-07 21:58:37

Alright, I'll give my skinny. 
Have you seen Flight 93 (I think it is?)? The Hollywood film based on one of the 9/11 planes? 
I got about five minutes into it and quit. It's not that I don't think it's a tragedy that should be remembered, it's that I think exploiting it for entertainment purposes lacks a certain tact. 
While this piece is different, the driving center story is a tearjerker, and for me, not in a positive way. You beat this character who's given, by means of no background or exterior (B) story, no hope of anything different. 
Bottom line; the average reader knows it's sad. But an ATTENTIVE reader will see it as trying to overwhelm them. 
I guess the choice comes down to who you're appealing to. 
There are things I can nitpick but I'm not going to. 
I think you started in a bad direction and let it careen that way. 
Language isn't bad, no major grammar problems (besides hyphens), but there was very little tangible story (which boils to ability for the character to make decisions.

Title article: A Ticket to Tewkesbury
Date: 2008-09-07 10:53:34

Good luck, chief. 
Don't think you here of many accountants turned writers. Maybe the right-brain got bored of numbers and decided to go tot he party on the left side. 
I don't think I've commented your stories before so I need to do that when I'm less caffeinated.

Title article: Social Retard-Nation, Chapter 3
Date: 2008-09-01 23:04:30

I've never been much for twists, they tend to make me mad, not anxious. 
I didn't enjoy this chapter as much as the first two. It felt more forced than natural. 
Good point on the self-glorification. 
Still solid language and it was written well, it just didn't have the supporting cast of wit and character dynamic that made the first two so good.

Title article: Social Retard-Nation, Chapter 2
Date: 2008-09-01 22:59:15

"Stinky Flower, That was rude," 
That was a truly great establishing line. You introducted Ros really well in Chapter one and that just ties the knot. More of you showing through too, which is always a good thing. 
It's cheery. 
That was great, purposeful dialogue at the end. Ennui challenging Ros shows that Ros isn't the tough, dismissive, no horseplay kind of girl that you made her up to be. 
I think you're really good at developing characters and I think you're phenomenal at using dialogue (Except when it gets a bit too wordy with Ennui at the end considering you called him sluggish and depleted earlier). 
The language reads as very natural besides that. 
Solid work.

Title article: Social Retard-Nation, Chapter 1
Date: 2008-09-01 22:53:05

I'm getting so tired of people on this site saying that things don't go anywhere. Just because there isn't a car crash and nobody is turned into a vampire and there hasn't been gunshots doesn't mean there is no plot evolution. 
Juttafannypackomega, this is good. Contrary to what I read on the comments, I think you did a pretty bad job at showing us a schoolgirls conversation. Does anyone know a schoolgirl that calls someone "foul"? No, no, no, that is pure Jutta talking, you Roz you. Daisy was uncomfortable to read, Roz was a mirror image of you, at least, when you aren't a fannypack. 
 
The story goes somewhere because it's chapter one. You started without knowing anything, and at the end of the chapter, you know two characters fairly well, you know the tone of the story, and you have a setting that will change. 
????? 
Now, what part of that isn't getting somewhere?

Title article: WET AND DRY (Gambia 1999)
Date: 2008-08-25 16:53:12

A bit of what dasgupta was saying, and I'll throw something in there from me too. 
Didn't do much for me. I see where you were going, and I think you did that as well as it could have been done. 
Obviously, non-fiction doesn't permit to much license in that regard. I'm picturing fiction and I shouldn't. 
Well, good luck, Samba.

Title article: Bittersweet Soldering
Date: 2008-08-25 16:47:22

Eh. 
To me, it felt like a bailout. Something completely boring and normal and plain and you tried to make it different by throwing in a crying, loving, self-lover.

Title article: The Invention Of Uncertainty, Chapter 2
Date: 2008-07-20 21:44:17

I think this is a step up from the first chapter in a few ways, or at least, a step in a different direction. 
Either way, a good one. 
I'd be wary of getting into the novel idea of a story. This doesn't have the making of a novel so far, too quickly developing. 
Keep it at this pace, actionwise, and I think you'll be set. 
I like where it's going and I'll keep up with it, as long as you keep up the strong word choice and the solid story building. 
Keep on. 
-CS

Title article: Closer Raisa, Chapter 2
Date: 2008-07-20 21:31:10

I get lost in stories like this. Definitely nothing towards the offensive end of comments here, the murder/mystery/badass stories aren't really my niche. 
I touched and skimmed over bits and it looks pretty tight as far as grammar/words go, which is rare, but the way that it closes out in almost exactly the same way and place as the first chapter closed out. Might work for some, not so much for me. 
Keep on keeping on, Brooke.

Title article: A nobody called somebody
Date: 2008-06-29 10:55:21

Man, you're very good. Really good. One of the better writers on this site good. 
 
EVERYTHING I've read from you is so real it it's own rite, if not for me, than I'm sure for millions of others. 
 
Remarkable characters.  
I usually have a mouthful to say about everything I read, but I'm speechless. Not speechless like, I'm in a strip joint speechless, but speechless like I just watched an orchestra. I couldn't possibly comment on the quality or content of their music simply because I'm not at that level. 
 
Cheers. I'll be back for more. 
Keep on. 
-cs.

<< Start < Prev [1] 2 3 4 5 6 ... 18 Next > End >>

Forum


Last 10 Forum Posts
DateSubjectCategoryHits
05/27/2008 09:10:25Re:Comments: Tragedy and Good IntentionsOff-Topic1377
05/26/2008 20:46:26Comments: Tragedy and Good IntentionsOff-Topic1377
05/21/2008 22:49:20Re:Favorite AuthorOff-Topic3781
05/20/2008 11:12:23Re:Writing TipsOff-Topic804
05/20/2008 11:11:48Re:Writing TipsOff-Topic804
03/13/2008 23:12:52Re:What do YOU do when planning stories?Off-Topic903
03/01/2008 01:58:42Re:Appreciate it.Off-Topic646
02/29/2008 05:09:48Appreciate it.Off-Topic646

Connection

Nunyo Bidness (cookingWine)'s connections

OFFLINE Kasi (Kasi Elaborated)
ONLINE Philip Neale (philneale1952)
OFFLINE Dipankar Dasgupta (d.dasgupta)
OFFLINE JJ Tyler (JJtyler)
OFFLINE Jody (Jody)
OFFLINE tomahawk (tomahawk)
OFFLINE Thomas Reynolds (ThomasP3)
OFFLINE Christopher Chadwyck (Chadwyck45)
OFFLINE Egoist (Egoist)
OFFLINE Patrick Lytle (PKLytle)
 
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Guestbook


Name Entry
Jutta Motrin (Juttabell^^)

 Created On: 09/03/2008 21:29:53
Edited By Jutta Motrin (Juttabell^^) On: 09/03/2008 21:34:41
Green-eyed, best idiot SAVANT that there can possibly be, caped, tight underwear-wearing, fanny pack-sporting, taller than a skyscraper, more lively version of Ennui .
Jutta Motrin (Juttabell^^)

 Created On: 07/19/2008 23:25:02
Edited By Jutta Motrin (Juttabell^^) On: 07/19/2008 23:25:45
SPAZ
Max Booth III (Zombie Punk)

a wasteland
 Created On: 07/05/2008 23:35:00
Edited By Max Booth III (Zombie Punk) On: 07/05/2008 23:35:22
whoa! there seems to be some serious heat here. but i like the cold, so i'm moving on. see ya

Jutta Motrin (Juttabell^^)

 Created On: 06/17/2008 06:35:22
Edited By Jutta Motrin (CELL) On: 06/17/2008 06:36:00
White Tiger
Jutta Motrin (Juttabell^^)

 Created On: 06/13/2008 07:46:37
Edited By Jutta Motrin (CELL) On: 06/17/2008 06:36:32
Funny, I remember the conversation going more like this:


>>>>>>>>>>CELL wrote:
>>>>>>>>>>>>>Eh, I'm bored. Goodbye.

>>>>>>>>>> cookingWine wrote:
>>>>>>>>>>>>Of course Juttabell, and you know that they only go "peuw peuw" for you!

>>>>>>>CELL wrote:
>>>>>>>>>> Fanny Pack (i.e. you), not unless you have some lasers inside you.

>>>>>>>>cookingWine wrote:
>>>>>>>>>> You are so gracious Juttabell, please, may I compliment you on your anatomy?

>>>>>CELL wrote:
>>>>>>>> Eh, sure you can be my fanny pack.

>>>>cookingWine wrote:
>>>>> Please Juttabell!
Jutta Motrin (Juttabell^^)

 Created On: 06/12/2008 13:40:22
Edited By Jutta Motrin (CELL) On: 06/13/2008 07:29:27
My fanny pack.
Jutta Motrin (Juttabell^^)

 Created On: 05/28/2008 12:10:36
Edited By Jutta Motrin (CELL) On: 05/28/2008 12:12:32
Those aren't stink lines. It's the emanating glory that surrounds me.
Jutta Motrin (Juttabell^^)

 Created On: 05/26/2008 15:09:22
I heard you don't bathe.
Feedback from Nunyo Bidness (cookingWine): I heard it's just the reflective stink from you.
Jutta Motrin (Juttabell^^)

 Created On: 05/25/2008 19:00:08
Edited By Jutta Motrin (CELL) On: 06/12/2008 14:06:40
to answer your question, if the air around Earth froze it'd look like a cube, and then Subzero Earth would get placed inside an ice cube tray. I dunno why, would definitely eliminate an ice cube tray's purpose, but well, that's just what I heard... you know, just from around...
Feedback from Nunyo Bidness (cookingWine): I heard you suck.
Jutta Motrin (Juttabell^^)

 Created On: 05/13/2008 17:46:01
Hello, ugly.
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