Short Stories | Storiesville.com - Nunyo Bidness (cookingWine)

Nunyo Bidness (cookingWine) Profile Page

Hits	4421
Online Status	OFFLINE
Member Since	02/26/2008
Last Online	08/29/2008
Connections	12
Avg Profile Rating

About Myself:

I think it's awesome that the site automatically bleeps words like shit and fuck.

Stories

Published Short Stories

Date	Title	Category	Hits
Aug 23, 2008	Life As He Knew It.	Miscellaneous Stories	72
Jul 20, 2008	Under The Stars.	Miscellaneous Stories	143
Jul 11, 2008	Unavoidable Detours Created By The Elderly.	Miscellaneous Stories	145
Jul 3, 2008	Honest Livings.	Miscellaneous Stories	135
Jun 22, 2008	Preferences.	Miscellaneous Stories	97
Jun 14, 2008	Velocity.	Miscellaneous Stories	114
Jun 11, 2008	Coffee Stains, Chapter 2	Miscellaneous Stories	231
Jun 8, 2008	Coffee Stains, Chapter 1	Miscellaneous Stories	497
May 25, 2008	His Favorite Chords.	Miscellaneous Stories	592
Apr 27, 2008	Admittedly, I Have Been Busy.	Miscellaneous Stories	278
Mar 19, 2008	11:11 And 11:12 Can Be Different	Miscellaneous Stories	518
Mar 14, 2008	Drops Of Rain.	Miscellaneous Stories	263
Mar 10, 2008	The Sunlight That Didn't Come Through The Blinds.	Miscellaneous Stories	297
Mar 8, 2008	How Dolan Quit His Job, Without Pronouncing His Name.	Miscellaneous Stories	275
Mar 6, 2008	You Can't Unring A Bell.	Miscellaneous Stories	277
Mar 5, 2008	The Strangest Places.	Miscellaneous Stories	269
Mar 4, 2008	A Man Possessed.	Miscellaneous Stories	228
Mar 2, 2008	There Are Many Ways (This Not Being One).	Miscellaneous Stories	255
Feb 28, 2008	It's Free. You Can't Get A Refund.	Miscellaneous Stories	334
Feb 27, 2008	One Is Always Enough.	Miscellaneous Stories	452

<< Start < Prev [1] 2 Next > End >>

Comments

Title article: Thump-thump
Date: 2008-04-29 22:54:39

Honestly, I don't know whether it's the drink in me or not, but this reminded me of drunk driving. Getting a grip. Pissing the necessity.
I don't know what you published this under, horror, or whatever. Everyone seems to be tilting towards horror.
Until it got to the part about the woman, I was up in the air. I didn't know which way to lean. I think the first half was done well. The second half is too predictable.
One thing I think a lot of people, including myself, need to realize is that FIRST, you write for you. When you explain everything to me, the fun evaporates. If I were you, to make it more like able for me, you need to make it annoyingly abstract.
Make me think what is going on. Let me draw my own conclusions. Let me finish the story. Or, at least, let me interpret why the story finished there.
I'll continue this a sober night, make sure to remind me for specifics.

Keep on keeping on.

Title article: Nutty Abbot
Date: 2008-04-29 16:08:25

Well done boss!!!

Title article: An Ode To Whiskey
Date: 2008-04-16 11:37:20

I usually think more of women and fighting than pirates and knights, but shit, who doesn't like a stiff drink?

Title article: Drunk
Date: 2008-04-14 16:06:37

6.5/10
I thought it was okay.

I always feel cheated when I'm awakened from something that really didn't exist into the story.

I have a few things to say about the descriptive dream/pass out sequence:
1) I don't know if you've ever been drunk, or drunk enough to pass out, but the last thing you're going to dream passed-out drunk is a red kingdom of pleasure. Not to be that guy that has to put his finger on everything, but that is a bit much (for me).

2) I don't know if you were trying to use a device in switching from the extremely descriptive and juicy language of the dream to manslaughter, but it doesn't quite work for me here. It wasn't sublime enough to click.

3) You do a very good job of painting a picture, or at the least, giving us something we've seen before. If you were aiming to write a sequence that is full and vibrant, than keep it the way it is. If you're trying to write something "tight", you can lose some sentences here and there.

Keep on keeping on.

Title article: Broken and bleeding re edited
Date: 2008-04-03 17:58:06

Heard this story a million times before from white kids getting their lunch money stolen (minus the shooting).

This is the kind of thing that adds to a story, not makes one. I don't really think it's necessary to call him black, not to be racially insensitive, but most reading this story would assume it. Regardless, not needed.

Too is for an addition. To is for everything else.

"Learn how to use punctuation," said the nitpicker.

Title article: 11:11 And 11:12 Can Be Different
Date: 2008-03-26 07:02:26

The guy pouring liquor in the picture said it for me.

Title article: 11:11 And 11:12 Can Be Different
Date: 2008-03-23 20:34:38

You know, the funniest thing about literature is that it can mean anything. Quite literally; the possibilities are endless.
Whether you like the story or not isn't up for debate, you simply do or you don't. To say there is no meaning in every title, in every sentence, and every word, is falling far short of anything you should be looking for.
Thank you.

Title article: 11:11 And 11:12 Can Be Different
Date: 2008-03-22 21:15:31

Thank you kindly. Appreciate it, and the honesty you trucked it in with.

Title article: Street Value
Date: 2008-03-22 10:48:22

Again, solid sentences and very readable.
The story itself, I believe to be more for a different niche of reader than myself to enjoy.
You know what you're doing on the other end of that screen.

Title article: witchiness?
Date: 2008-03-22 10:38:50

Obviously, problems with grammar and all that jazz. That's all correctable.
The real problem for me is that there isn't anything there to build from. Of course, it all comes down to how you wanted it, and there is nothing I can take from your intention and your desire of how you want it. For me, I couldn't care less about the narrator, her mom, or the man. I have no attachment to your characters at the end of the story whatsoever. Fix that by injecting small things, not by adding scenes about bank robberies and witchhunts and cop-out tension steroids.
If you want clarification or examples, feel free to message.
If you want to tell me to fuck off, go crazy for that too.
Regardless, keep on keeping on.

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Forum

Last 10 Forum Posts

Date	Subject	Category	Hits
05/27/2008 09:10:25	Re:Comments: Tragedy and Good Intentions	Off-Topic	1298
05/26/2008 20:46:26	Comments: Tragedy and Good Intentions	Off-Topic	1298
05/21/2008 22:49:20	Re:Favorite Author	Off-Topic	3446
05/20/2008 11:12:23	Re:Writing Tips	Off-Topic	750
05/20/2008 11:11:48	Re:Writing Tips	Off-Topic	750
03/13/2008 23:12:52	Re:What do YOU do when planning stories?	Off-Topic	869
03/01/2008 01:58:42	Re:Appreciate it.	Off-Topic	626
02/29/2008 05:09:48	Appreciate it.	Off-Topic	626

Connection

Nunyo Bidness (cookingWine)'s connections

Kasi (Kasi Elaborated)

Philip Neale (philneale1952)

Dipankar Dasgupta (d.dasgupta)

JJ Tyler (JJtyler)

Jody (Jody)

tomahawk (tomahawk)

Thomas Reynolds (ThomasP3)

Christopher Chadwyck (Chadwyck45)

Egoist (Egoist)

Patrick Lytle (PKLytle)

<< Start < Prev [1] 2 Next > End >>

Guestbook

Name	Entry
Jutta Motrin (Juttabell^^)	Created On: 07/19/2008 23:25:02 Edited By Jutta Motrin (Juttabell^^) On: 07/19/2008 23:25:45 SPAZ
Max Booth III (Zombie Punk) a wasteland	Created On: 07/05/2008 23:35:00 Edited By Max Booth III (Zombie Punk) On: 07/05/2008 23:35:22 whoa! there seems to be some serious heat here. but i like the cold, so i'm moving on. see ya
Jutta Motrin (Juttabell^^)	Created On: 06/17/2008 06:35:22 Edited By Jutta Motrin (CELL) On: 06/17/2008 06:36:00 White Tiger
Jutta Motrin (Juttabell^^)	Created On: 06/13/2008 07:46:37 Edited By Jutta Motrin (CELL) On: 06/17/2008 06:36:32 Funny, I remember the conversation going more like this: >>>>>>>>>>CELL wrote: >>>>>>>>>>>>>Eh, I'm bored. Goodbye. >>>>>>>>>> cookingWine wrote: >>>>>>>>>>>>Of course Juttabell, and you know that they only go "peuw peuw" for you! >>>>>>>CELL wrote: >>>>>>>>>> Fanny Pack (i.e. you), not unless you have some lasers inside you. >>>>>>>>cookingWine wrote: >>>>>>>>>> You are so gracious Juttabell, please, may I compliment you on your anatomy? >>>>>CELL wrote: >>>>>>>> Eh, sure you can be my fanny pack. >>>>cookingWine wrote: >>>>> Please Juttabell!
Jutta Motrin (Juttabell^^)	Created On: 06/12/2008 13:40:22 Edited By Jutta Motrin (CELL) On: 06/13/2008 07:29:27 My fanny pack.
Jutta Motrin (Juttabell^^)	Created On: 05/28/2008 12:10:36 Edited By Jutta Motrin (CELL) On: 05/28/2008 12:12:32 Those aren't stink lines. It's the emanating glory that surrounds me.
Jutta Motrin (Juttabell^^)	Created On: 05/26/2008 15:09:22 I heard you don't bathe. Feedback from Nunyo Bidness (cookingWine): I heard it's just the reflective stink from you.
Jutta Motrin (Juttabell^^)	Created On: 05/25/2008 19:00:08 Edited By Jutta Motrin (CELL) On: 06/12/2008 14:06:40 to answer your question, if the air around Earth froze it'd look like a cube, and then Subzero Earth would get placed inside an ice cube tray. I dunno why, would definitely eliminate an ice cube tray's purpose, but well, that's just what I heard... you know, just from around... Feedback from Nunyo Bidness (cookingWine): I heard you suck.
Jutta Motrin (Juttabell^^)	Created On: 05/13/2008 17:46:01 Hello, ugly.
Sorrow Is My Mask (resistanceisfreedom)	Created On: 04/30/2008 13:08:03 You can go fuck yourself. And then go pour another glass of that boring wine. Feedback from Nunyo Bidness (cookingWine): Cheers!