Birth of the White Buffalo

The bell hanging from the handle of the door...

Rooted Blue

I think I liked you better when you were...

Nunyo Bidness (cookingWine) Profile Page
Nunyo Bidness (cookingWine)
Hits 3365
Online Status OFFLINE
Last Online 07/08/2008
Connections 12
Avg Profile Rating
 
About Myself: This seems to be a popular topic directed at me, so I'll address it.
Q.
You sure seem to be a know-it-all when you comment, yet you don't do it on your stories. What's the deal?
A.
Simply, I write things the way I like to write them. I think that everyone should do the same. The reason I point out when other people fail at this is because sometimes they aren't aware of it and how disastrous it can be to their story. I, (<--example of something I like to do) know that I am writing badly when I do so, because that is what I enjoy doing and will continue to do so.

The bottom line is that I can help your story become better, conventionally and just to me (but very rarely both, together). If you'd would like that service, I would be happy to do it.


Feel free to let me know of all my shortcomings as a writer, person, or any other facet of my life as you see fit.
I will be the guy grinning on his high horse.
Cheers!
(If you're going to take the time to read something, take the time to give it an intelligent review. A sentence or two of feedback is like giving a nickel tip on a thirty dollar bill.)

Stories


Published Short Stories

 
DateTitleCategoryHits
Jul 3, 2008Honest Livings.Miscellaneous Stories 75
Jun 22, 2008Preferences.Miscellaneous Stories 64
Jun 14, 2008Velocity.Miscellaneous Stories 82
Jun 11, 2008Coffee Stains, Chapter 2Miscellaneous Stories 203
Jun 8, 2008Coffee Stains, Chapter 1Miscellaneous Stories 452
May 25, 2008His Favorite Chords.Miscellaneous Stories 533
Apr 27, 2008Admittedly, I Have Been Busy.Miscellaneous Stories 201
Mar 19, 200811:11 And 11:12 Can Be DifferentMiscellaneous Stories 486
Mar 14, 2008Drops Of Rain.Miscellaneous Stories 233
Mar 10, 2008The Sunlight That Didn't Come Through The Blinds.Miscellaneous Stories 236
Mar 8, 2008How Dolan Quit His Job, Without Pronouncing His Name.Miscellaneous Stories 221
Mar 6, 2008You Can't Unring A Bell.Miscellaneous Stories 242
Mar 5, 2008The Strangest Places.Miscellaneous Stories 235
Mar 4, 2008A Man Possessed.Miscellaneous Stories 197
Mar 2, 2008There Are Many Ways (This Not Being One).Miscellaneous Stories 220
Feb 28, 2008It's Free. You Can't Get A Refund.Miscellaneous Stories 294
Feb 27, 2008One Is Always Enough.Miscellaneous Stories 417
Feb 27, 2008I Guess?Miscellaneous Stories 257
Feb 26, 2008Roosters and Lions In Monotone.Miscellaneous Stories 250

Forum


Last 10 Forum Posts
DateSubjectCategoryHits
02/29/2008 05:09:48Appreciate it.Off-Topic506
05/26/2008 20:46:26Comments: Tragedy and Good IntentionsOff-Topic926
03/01/2008 01:58:42Re:Appreciate it.Off-Topic506
05/27/2008 09:10:25Re:Comments: Tragedy and Good IntentionsOff-Topic926
05/21/2008 22:49:20Re:Favorite AuthorOff-Topic2543
03/13/2008 23:12:52Re:What do YOU do when planning stories?Off-Topic741
05/20/2008 11:12:23Re:Writing TipsOff-Topic586
05/20/2008 11:11:48Re:Writing TipsOff-Topic586

Connection

Nunyo Bidness (cookingWine)'s connections

OFFLINE Kasi (Kasi elaborated)
ONLINE Philip Neale (philneale1952)
OFFLINE Dipankar Dasgupta (d.dasgupta)
OFFLINE JJ Tyler (JJtyler)
OFFLINE Jody (Jody)
OFFLINE tomahawk (tomahawk)
OFFLINE Thomas Reynolds (ThomasP3)
OFFLINE Christopher Chadwyck (Chadwyck45)
OFFLINE Egoist (Egoist)
OFFLINE Patrick Lytle (PKLytle)
 
<< Start < Prev [1] 2 Next > End >>

Guestbook


Name Entry
Max Booth III (Zombie Punk)

a wasteland
 Created On: 07/05/2008 23:35:00
Edited By Max Booth III (Zombie Punk) On: 07/05/2008 23:35:22
whoa! there seems to be some serious heat here. but i like the cold, so i'm moving on. see ya

Jutta Motrin (Juttabell^^)

 Created On: 06/17/2008 06:35:22
Edited By Jutta Motrin (CELL) On: 06/17/2008 06:36:00
White Tiger
Jutta Motrin (Juttabell^^)

 Created On: 06/13/2008 07:46:37
Edited By Jutta Motrin (CELL) On: 06/17/2008 06:36:32
Funny, I remember the conversation going more like this:


>>>>>>>>>>CELL wrote:
>>>>>>>>>>>>>Eh, I'm bored. Goodbye.

>>>>>>>>>> cookingWine wrote:
>>>>>>>>>>>>Of course Juttabell, and you know that they only go "peuw peuw" for you!

>>>>>>>CELL wrote:
>>>>>>>>>> Fanny Pack (i.e. you), not unless you have some lasers inside you.

>>>>>>>>cookingWine wrote:
>>>>>>>>>> You are so gracious Juttabell, please, may I compliment you on your anatomy?

>>>>>CELL wrote:
>>>>>>>> Eh, sure you can be my fanny pack.

>>>>cookingWine wrote:
>>>>> Please Juttabell!
Jutta Motrin (Juttabell^^)

 Created On: 06/12/2008 13:40:22
Edited By Jutta Motrin (CELL) On: 06/13/2008 07:29:27
My fanny pack.
Jutta Motrin (Juttabell^^)

 Created On: 05/28/2008 12:10:36
Edited By Jutta Motrin (CELL) On: 05/28/2008 12:12:32
Those aren't stink lines. It's the emanating glory that surrounds me.
Jutta Motrin (Juttabell^^)

 Created On: 05/26/2008 15:09:22
I heard you don't bathe.
Feedback from Nunyo Bidness (cookingWine): I heard it's just the reflective stink from you.
Jutta Motrin (Juttabell^^)

 Created On: 05/25/2008 19:00:08
Edited By Jutta Motrin (CELL) On: 06/12/2008 14:06:40
to answer your question, if the air around Earth froze it'd look like a cube, and then Subzero Earth would get placed inside an ice cube tray. I dunno why, would definitely eliminate an ice cube tray's purpose, but well, that's just what I heard... you know, just from around...
Feedback from Nunyo Bidness (cookingWine): I heard you suck.
Jutta Motrin (Juttabell^^)

 Created On: 05/13/2008 17:46:01
Hello, ugly.
Sorrow Is My Mask (resistanceisfreedom)

 Created On: 04/30/2008 13:08:03
You can go fuck yourself. And then go pour another glass of that boring wine.
Feedback from Nunyo Bidness (cookingWine): Cheers!
Jutta Motrin (Juttabell^^)

 Created On: 04/30/2008 06:32:44
Hahaha, shut up Cole-Man!!
Or I'll have to serve you with my
mean, electric dance moves!
<< Start < Prev [1] 2 Next > End >>

Comments

Total number of comments: 166

Title article: A nobody called somebody
Date: 2008-06-29 10:55:21

Man, you're very good. Really good. One of the better writers on this site good. 
 
EVERYTHING I've read from you is so real it it's own rite, if not for me, than I'm sure for millions of others. 
 
Remarkable characters.  
I usually have a mouthful to say about everything I read, but I'm speechless. Not speechless like, I'm in a strip joint speechless, but speechless like I just watched an orchestra. I couldn't possibly comment on the quality or content of their music simply because I'm not at that level. 
 
Cheers. I'll be back for more. 
Keep on. 
-cs.

Title article: The Invention Of Uncertainty, Chapter 1
Date: 2008-06-29 10:37:01

ter without doing it blatantly. Since you seem to work more in the sublime than the outrageous, I think that would be a good trait for you to develop. 
“Josiah, don’t leave us here” I shouted. “ I need to speak with the others, you and Ella come with me.” 
 
Where's the excitement or the tension there? When I read that, I imagine a monotone speaker like a bad actor in an elementary school play. Going through the motions as opposed to owning it. 
 
I'm not going to try and dictate your style, that's all you, but things like incomplete sentences and line spacing can really help create tension and urgency in dialogue. 
 
Well, that's about all I have to say here. As always with my comments, you can tell me to fuck off via comment or what have you. Just throwing my two cents in. 
Or if you want more, tips on specifics or anything, throw me a message and I don't mind continuing. 
Bottom line; if you continue, I'd like to see more. 
Keep on. 
-cs.

Title article: The Invention Of Uncertainty, Chapter 1
Date: 2008-06-29 10:31:45

I'm rooting for here. 
 
Hm. 
 
I like how the action wasn't over-the-top. It was subtle enough that it could be secondary to the descriptions and the setting, which is a change in focus that I like. 
 
The dialogue is the only thing that I can point and wag my finger at. There are many ways to do it, but one of the universal rules of dialogue is that it implies more than it says. In a story, you have to convey facial expressions, tones, mannerisms, everything into a " ... ". The way you do this is by splitting different speakers into different paragraphs, using punctuation to create the natural space that comes in conversation or speaking, and ultimately, highlighting what's important. I think you need to be more aware of what the characters are saying and why they are saying it, and making us pay attention to it instead of hiding in a paragraph. Split it! Give it it's own! Even if you don't want to base the story on dialogue, it's still one of the most powerful tools in describing a charac

Title article: The Invention Of Uncertainty, Chapter 1
Date: 2008-06-29 10:24:28

I'm not much for poetry, in knowing technicalities of it or even being able to enjoy it. 
 
But I know a pretty fair amount about structure and content in stories, and boy, you sure do too. 
 
I'll sum it up and say, I really hope you continue to write more stories for simpletons like myself who don't eye the poets. 
 
There is a hell of a scene built here. A real image filled with real substance. Very solid job on that. The best part about your descriptions were that they were involved in the story as opposed to split into a different section. Flow isn't just about word choice, it's about content choice, and this is remarkable in that respect. 
 
As for characters, I don't know them yet. The important part is; I'd like to. Since this is only step one, I feel step two will let me in a little more to them. 
 
It seems like your strength is unleashing relentlessly uncommon diction in a manner that can be related, is enjoyable, and not pretentious or up it's own ass. So fitting word choice is what

Title article: Plutonic Love
Date: 2008-06-12 17:02:28

That was really well done. You connect to your stories very well, and they seem to come entirely from you instead of trying to please someone else. I'd suggest you continue that, because this is quality stuff. 
 
I cared about the character. I really read it for him and was curious to found out how it went. 
I love stories where an average taste is left in your mouth, because they are so identifiable. This is the second one today that has been very real, and that makes the tension so much more believable, and ultimately, enjoyable. 
Thanks for writing this. It was well done. 
Keep on. 
-Cs.

Title article: Battle of Minds (part three)
Date: 2008-06-12 16:48:25

My only real complaint is sticking to the tunes that I've already been humming. This isn't the kind of thing that is typically up my alley, but it's not bad. The character is getting a little more dimensional, but it's going to be hard getting there without slowing down the action. 
The way I like to think about it is when you're sprinting, you can't really gauge how fast other people are going. But if you stop and look at them then, it's much easier to figure out their speed. 
I think the only thing I would ask is that, at some point in the series (earlier, rather than later for the sake of attachment and tension), we slow down so there is a chance at getting to know the character instead of sprinting with him. I hope that makes sense. I'm not quite connected to him yet. 
As far as structure and mechanics, it's fine. There were a few problems but they were really minor and insignificant. 
Sorry it took so long for me to get to part 3. This series takes a commitment. 
Keep on. 
-CS.

Title article: A Ghost of Labrador
Date: 2008-06-12 16:28:27

This is one of my favorite pieces I've seen on this site as of yet. 
 
There was something very soothing and still omni-tragic about this. I think it's a terrifying and entirely realistic way of going through life. This bland, day-by-day, year dissolving solution of dry events and deep language really combines for something special. 
 
I really don't know exactly what else to say. I'm impressed, and I'll be visiting the rest of your things. 
This story has a lot to say, and it says it with a well-established tone, a good spirit, precise language and an overall quality experience. 
Thanks for writing that. 
 
Keep on. 
-CS.

Title article: Old Habits Die Hard
Date: 2008-06-12 16:16:30

Eh. I thought it was okay. 
My only problem was that I wasn't sure what you were going for. If I were you, I'd try to define that more, or make it intentionally vague so we know that we don't need to completely get it. 
 
Basically, isn't this a story that could have been wrapped up in three or four paragraphs? 
 
I did like this line: 
"Bill decided that thirty years was long enough, and that it was time to trade one love for a possible other." 
I think that was good, but the rest of the story seemed unremarkable to me. 
The sentences were mechanically fine, but they lacked substance and tension. It seemed to be, "and-then-what-happened" story, which I've never been a huge fan of to begin with. 
 
I think that you're structurally safe, but you aren't going out on a limb enough. Try something a little more demanding than phantom cigarettes and imaginations. 
Saying that, I can't really say anything else.

Title article: Volkswagen full of wasps
Date: 2008-06-12 16:06:34

Okay, wow. 
Let me start with; 
This was EPIC. 
You really have a lot on your mind. There are so many stories started in this, and you refuse to start one. I would usually say that it's WAY too much going on, but somehow, I'm comfortable with just going on the ride. It feels like you're almost saying, "fuck this, I refuse to tell a complete story." I'm digging that. 
 
That was some of the most colorful imagery and vivid storytelling I've ever heard. It was very real, like it was being told by someone who is absolutely fucking eccentric and ridiculous. 
 
I don't know if I want this refined, if I want it to stay the same, or if I want it to expand. I really don't, and that's rare. 
 
"...the time when Brian Blessed used Jennifer Saunders vulva as a face tent to avoid paying for a camping pitch in Norfolk," 
I mean, Jesus Christ. Where the hell does that come from? A face tent? 
That must have been really good coke, honestly. 
I'm going to read more from you, and I hope it's like this. 
Keep on. 
-CS

Title article: A Bad Answer for Writer's Block
Date: 2008-06-12 13:17:44

You're really funny. 
 
That's hard to do in print. The taquito bit is priceless. 
This isn't one of those things that needs any deep thought or criticism, so I'll leave it at that. 
 
But remember, different speakers get different paragraphs.

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