Save Our Bacon

Dennis was disappointed not to find the face of the...

The Gift - Awakening

The night was no different than any other dark or...
alfred (alfred) Profile Page
alfred (alfred)
Hits 1657
Online Status OFFLINE
Member Since 02/11/2008
Last Online 08/15/2008
Connections 2
Avg Profile Rating
 
About Myself: Children of this site... its past your bed time.

Stories



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Comments

Title article: Vanity(from the minds of Zombie Punk & Tarhead Mugwump)
Date: 2008-06-04 08:59:56
What happened
The first paragraph was very good how it opened up the story. But then it started sliding down that ol familiar road again, the road of lost opportunity.

Title article: Do You Love Me Still?
Date: 2008-05-27 14:42:57
listen
The way you just discribed yourself....gotta be honest with ya,,,,Im outta here...yikes.

Title article: I'm sorry
Date: 2008-05-27 14:39:45

dont know about your husband,,,but im crying.....its another man isn't it....I knew it.

Title article: {The Trees Survived}
Date: 2008-05-27 14:35:30
I hate doing this
This story is so poorly written I cant get past the first two sentences. Question, does your keyboard have caps lock? Do you know about dialouge set up? Listen, im not a bad guy, but I highly recommend you take a writing course. Theres potential in there, you just need to deliver it better.

Title article: His Favorite Chords.
Date: 2008-05-27 14:26:10
ok
To be fair, most of your stories to me make hardly any sense. I read the very first sentence and already I have a problem with it. 
 
A midday naps hits me like a train...are you jolted into a nap? and then you go off about some record...just seems off balanced... the opening paragraph. 
 
But I did say I would be fair, I agree with one of the commenters(is that a word)that your discriptions of things are very poetic in nature. I love simple stories about nothing, I say that respectivly. Like I said earlier,,I dont really understand your stories but I believe I do this one...and its not bad,,,just needs a little tweeking here and there.

Title article: The Attack
Date: 2008-05-24 08:37:20
ok
after looking at the pic...I wonder if it was his eyes that took her like a blade to the throat

Title article: You're a Goddess.
Date: 2008-05-24 08:32:18
quit writing about me
this poems sounds like its about me...oh wait,,that word is spelt who're ...not whore...by the way, is that a word who're?

Title article: Simple-Minded
Date: 2008-05-18 08:42:26
You are kidding
Are you serious with this story. First off, dropping a beetle from a 4th floor window wont kill it. You could probally drop it from 20 floors up with no problem. hmmmm, I wonder if it would survive a drop from a plane onto concrete....mythbusters where are you? Second off, well ill leave the bee stuff alone...to easy to pick apart. If you were trying at serious,,,you need better material. If humor was your goal,,,,id give it a C

Title article: The locked door/ intro
Date: 2008-05-18 08:16:39
bad
This story(if that is... what it is) goes nowhere. What was the point to it. It answered no questions that the poor reader is left with. A story needs a beginning, middle and end....thank god this had an end. Not trying to be mean,,,just needs to be better.

Title article: Premonition
Date: 2008-05-18 08:12:44
hmmm
Did you write this while drunk? This story makes no sense with all kind of unreadable sentences. Ya know, I had a premonition that I would read a story that made me go ARRRGGGGGG today.

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Forum


Last 10 Forum Posts
DateSubjectCategoryHits
07/09/2008 13:18:03Re:Ways to Annoy PeopleOff-Topic3367
07/08/2008 21:57:32Re:Does anyone write in long hand anymore?Off-Topic388
06/27/2008 18:12:40Re:MusicOff-Topic1840
06/01/2008 21:45:45Re:stupid offensive jokes anybody?Off-Topic2155
06/01/2008 21:29:41Re:stupid offensive jokes anybody?Off-Topic2155
03/24/2008 13:23:37not a bad guyOff-Topic189
03/18/2008 11:00:36Re:What's inside your noggin?Off-Topic34058
03/12/2008 05:35:22Re:What's inside your noggin?Off-Topic34058
03/11/2008 14:50:57Re:What's inside your noggin?Off-Topic34058
03/10/2008 17:43:47Re:What's inside your noggin?Off-Topic34058

Connection

alfred (alfred)'s connections

OFFLINE Billy (Vango)
OFFLINE Sean (IggyJack)
 

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Name Entry
Christian Wright (The 13th)

Ireland
 Created On: 07/14/2008 12:07:46
I know I'm gonna regret this because one day youre gonna slag off my story.But your comments crack me up.

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