Pretty Fly for a Russian Guy

Hans Goober jogged the four and a half miles to the...

There Is No Me Without You

You're all I think about, Watching you...
Jessica S,A. (Forsaken) Profile Page
Jessica S,A. (Forsaken)
Hits 1785
Online Status OFFLINE
Member Since 12/20/2007
Last Online 09/06/2008
Connections 7
Avg Profile Rating
 
Website/Blog: -
About Myself: I love writing, I love reading aswell. My favourite books are Pride & Predudice, Cathy's boook, Cathy's Key, and the twilight series. I live in England. I'm 16 years old. I love Slipknot. I like dogs more than cats.

Stories


Published Short Stories

 
DateTitleCategoryHits
Apr 30, 2008The Special Spoon :-PHumor 492
Aug 17, 2008Heaven Sent, chapter 4/4Romance 94
Jul 22, 2008Heavan Sent, chapter 2/4Romance 120
Jun 9, 2008In the heart - chapter 1, Chapter 1Romance 185
Jun 8, 2008In The Heart - Preface, Chapter 0Romance 117
Jun 1, 2008Heaven Sent, chapter 1/4Romance 221
May 9, 2008ForSaken 3Romance 206
Apr 29, 2008ForSakenRomance 255
Apr 15, 2008Forsaken 2Romance 570
Apr 4, 2008StarlightRomance 261
Jun 6, 2008Ice, Chapter 2Adventure 89
Jun 4, 2008Ice, Chapter 1Adventure 118
Aug 30, 2008SkinHorror 100
Jul 26, 2008I am alone - the storyHorror 272
Jul 23, 2008Heavan Sent, chapter 3/4Horror 87
Jul 9, 2008A cruel passionHorror 194
Jul 8, 2008In the heart, Chapter 2Horror 85
Jun 21, 2008Blood Price, Chapter 2Horror 135
Jun 14, 2008Blood Price, Chapter 1Horror 280
May 30, 2008Not to die... Is to be tortured, Chapter 2Horror 143
<< Start < Prev [1] 2 Next > End >>

Comments

Total number of comments: 55

Title article: A Long Time Ago
Date: 2008-09-01 02:20:25
Very nice.
I really really liked this poem. I found that it flowed with ease and that every sentence hit me with the same kind of feeling. This poem Tells of the suffering of the woman staring out of the window, of the agony she feels. The last verse adds that it is often to late to stop something like suffering. 
A minor thing you could do to improve this would be to add more about how she is suffering? Maybe you could add a part from a different persons POV? but along the same lines? 
 
Jess 
 
Very Nice!! 
 
Jess

Title article: The Dragon
Date: 2008-08-25 11:25:51
nice.
I liked how you twisted the usual fairy-tale-situation so that the prince was the baddie and not an old hag or a monster as usually is the case. The only thing you can maybe improve on the rhyming, but this is only minor and unnecessay. 
 
Keep trying! 
 
Jessica

Title article: Hoping The Sun Doesn't Rise
Date: 2008-08-24 10:17:09
Good.
I think this poem was good. I think this because it flows well and makes the reader think about it. Some of the rhyming might have been better, but only slightly. I think you did a good job in writing this but you could create a longer poem maybe?  
 
It's a great poem by the way. 
 
Good job 
 
Jessica

Title article: bottled UP
Date: 2008-08-24 10:10:20
Nice
I read the poem and I was like, Wow. This poem is really well written and flows well. I think that the way you set out the poem really adds to the appeal of the poem. In a way, writing it in a free verse makes the reader concentrate more on the words. 
 
You're a really great writer, WELL DONE!! I love it!! 
 
Jessica

Title article: POETRY: MY SUICIDAL KISSES
Date: 2008-08-23 07:40:04
nice.
this is really intresting. I like the way you chose to set this poem out in little bite size pieces, instead of one looonnnggg verse that might have detracted from the impact that this poem has. The idea of explaining words is a nice idea too. 
Maybe you could expand on this idea more? I think you should :-) 
 
Well done! I love this! 
 
Jessica

Title article: Before you land
Date: 2008-08-23 07:34:16
nice.
I liked this very much, it is quick paced but you still can create a image in your head of what is happenning. I liked the way you used the last word of a line in the next one, it was very effective and improved the quality. 
 
Good poem you have here! 
 
Jessica

Title article: i could have loved no more!
Date: 2008-08-21 13:28:24
Nice
Nicly written: I liked the way you wrote it using plenty of description. I liked the images you created and I found that I could easily picture in my head. 
Well done! Keep writing like this!

Title article: A Date with Priya
Date: 2008-08-18 12:58:26
nice
I enjoyed this very much, I thought that the way you took the time to set the scene was really effective; I found the pace perfect, you could have skipped through without much detail, but you didn't, which was good. Your a skilled writer, you should write more like this! 
 
*Thumbs up* 
 
Jess

Title article: The Gift - Awakening
Date: 2008-08-17 13:16:36
hmmm
Sorry, but I think you need to work on this. I think you used the wrong kind of imagery for what is happening to him; people can inturprate seizurs in different ways, and reading this part made me uncomfortable and eager to skip to the end. I do think you have a good story here. Just needs alittle work is all. 
 
Jessica

Title article: gone was the girl
Date: 2008-08-17 12:52:54
Nice.
I liked this poem alot. I liked how you repeated the same line, the title, through out. It gave the poem a rythem and though it did not rhyme, helped the words fit well within the verses. It was really nice, there was one thing you might want to work upon, maybe you could explore further with her life and what it's like: maybe something along the lines of cinderella's? 
 
Hope this helps 
 
Jess

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Jessica S,A. (Forsaken)'s connections

OFFLINE chaabuk (chaabuk)
OFFLINE Amie Kerlin (lemon)
OFFLINE jesse (jesse2008)
OFFLINE Max Booth III (Zombie Punk)
OFFLINE Philip Neale (philneale1952)
ONLINE Sorrow Is My Mask (resistanceisfreedom)
OFFLINE Billy (Vango)
 

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Name Entry
jesse (jesse2008)

I'M THE FIRST
 Created On: 07/06/2008 13:23:39
Hey Jessica, I just wanted to stop by and be the first to sign your Profile Book.

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