Short Stories | Storiesville.com - Jessica S,A. (Forsaken)

You're all I think about, Watching you...

WHAT KIND OF GOD? By Jon Stalk...

Jessica S,A. (Forsaken) Profile Page

Hits	1770
Online Status	OFFLINE
Member Since	12/20/2007
Last Online	09/04/2008
Connections	7
Avg Profile Rating

Website/Blog:	-
About Myself:	I love writing, I love reading aswell. My favourite books are Pride & Predudice, Cathy's boook, Cathy's Key, and the twilight series. I live in England. I'm 16 years old. I love Slipknot. I like dogs more than cats.

Stories

Published Short Stories

Date	Title	Category	Hits
Aug 30, 2008	Skin	Horror	90
Aug 26, 2008	Paranoid/Forget	Miscellaneous Stories	107
Aug 23, 2008	The coast	Poetry	135
Aug 20, 2008	in your eyes short	Poetry	104
Aug 17, 2008	Heaven Sent, chapter 4/4	Romance	93
Aug 16, 2008	Goodbye, my lover	Poetry	139
Jul 26, 2008	I am alone - the story	Horror	271
Jul 25, 2008	I am alone - the poem, read this before the story	Poetry	318
Jul 23, 2008	Heavan Sent, chapter 3/4	Horror	87
Jul 22, 2008	Heavan Sent, chapter 2/4	Romance	120
Jul 17, 2008	Until we meet again...	Poetry	254
Jul 9, 2008	A cruel passion	Horror	192
Jul 8, 2008	In the heart, Chapter 2	Horror	85
Jul 1, 2008	Question of Love	Poetry	149
Jun 30, 2008	Deception	Miscellaneous Stories	116
Jun 21, 2008	Blood Price, Chapter 2	Horror	133
Jun 14, 2008	Blood Price, Chapter 1	Horror	279
Jun 9, 2008	In the heart - chapter 1, Chapter 1	Romance	185
Jun 8, 2008	At The End there is Nothing	Miscellaneous Stories	197
Jun 8, 2008	In The Heart - Preface, Chapter 0	Romance	115

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Comments

Total number of comments: 55

Title article: A Long Time Ago
Date: 2008-09-01 02:20:25

Very nice.
I really really liked this poem. I found that it flowed with ease and that every sentence hit me with the same kind of feeling. This poem Tells of the suffering of the woman staring out of the window, of the agony she feels. The last verse adds that it is often to late to stop something like suffering.
A minor thing you could do to improve this would be to add more about how she is suffering? Maybe you could add a part from a different persons POV? but along the same lines?

Jess

Very Nice!!

Jess

Title article: The Dragon
Date: 2008-08-25 11:25:51

nice.
I liked how you twisted the usual fairy-tale-situation so that the prince was the baddie and not an old hag or a monster as usually is the case. The only thing you can maybe improve on the rhyming, but this is only minor and unnecessay.

Keep trying!

Jessica

Title article: Hoping The Sun Doesn't Rise
Date: 2008-08-24 10:17:09

Good.
I think this poem was good. I think this because it flows well and makes the reader think about it. Some of the rhyming might have been better, but only slightly. I think you did a good job in writing this but you could create a longer poem maybe?

It's a great poem by the way.

Good job

Jessica

Title article: bottled UP
Date: 2008-08-24 10:10:20

Nice
I read the poem and I was like, Wow. This poem is really well written and flows well. I think that the way you set out the poem really adds to the appeal of the poem. In a way, writing it in a free verse makes the reader concentrate more on the words.

You're a really great writer, WELL DONE!! I love it!!

Jessica

Title article: POETRY: MY SUICIDAL KISSES
Date: 2008-08-23 07:40:04

nice.
this is really intresting. I like the way you chose to set this poem out in little bite size pieces, instead of one looonnnggg verse that might have detracted from the impact that this poem has. The idea of explaining words is a nice idea too.
Maybe you could expand on this idea more? I think you should :-)

Well done! I love this!

Jessica

Title article: Before you land
Date: 2008-08-23 07:34:16

nice.
I liked this very much, it is quick paced but you still can create a image in your head of what is happenning. I liked the way you used the last word of a line in the next one, it was very effective and improved the quality.

Good poem you have here!

Jessica

Title article: i could have loved no more!
Date: 2008-08-21 13:28:24

Nice
Nicly written: I liked the way you wrote it using plenty of description. I liked the images you created and I found that I could easily picture in my head.
Well done! Keep writing like this!

Title article: A Date with Priya
Date: 2008-08-18 12:58:26

nice
I enjoyed this very much, I thought that the way you took the time to set the scene was really effective; I found the pace perfect, you could have skipped through without much detail, but you didn't, which was good. Your a skilled writer, you should write more like this!

*Thumbs up*

Jess

Title article: The Gift - Awakening
Date: 2008-08-17 13:16:36

hmmm
Sorry, but I think you need to work on this. I think you used the wrong kind of imagery for what is happening to him; people can inturprate seizurs in different ways, and reading this part made me uncomfortable and eager to skip to the end. I do think you have a good story here. Just needs alittle work is all.

Jessica

Title article: gone was the girl
Date: 2008-08-17 12:52:54

Nice.
I liked this poem alot. I liked how you repeated the same line, the title, through out. It gave the poem a rythem and though it did not rhyme, helped the words fit well within the verses. It was really nice, there was one thing you might want to work upon, maybe you could explore further with her life and what it's like: maybe something along the lines of cinderella's?

Hope this helps

Jess

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chaabuk (chaabuk)

Amie Kerlin (lemon)

jesse (jesse2008)

Max Booth III (Zombie Punk)

Philip Neale (philneale1952)

Sorrow Is My Mask (resistanceisfreedom)

Billy (Vango)

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jesse (jesse2008) I'M THE FIRST	Created On: 07/06/2008 13:23:39 Hey Jessica, I just wanted to stop by and be the first to sign your Profile Book.

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