Short Stories | Storiesville.com - Essue (Mr. Mean Dove)

Darkening, Chapter 1 Author: Jessie Masoner...

I step out onto the ledge and my heart is racing with...

Essue (Mr. Mean Dove) Profile Page

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Member Since	12/02/2007
Last Online	12/22/2007
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About Myself:

I'm just one of the humble folks. I sing and I write and I hope for the future.

The Mind worships the Body, the Body torments the Mind
If chance made me Gatsby, I'd respond in kind

The glory in words is the directionless quality,
Unquestionably voted in as a copilot.
Mid-air collapse will bring out the fault,
If it had to be put on paper, why hadn't we drawn it out?
It's the wreckage that's beautiful,
Flight a means to bring down snowflakes of metal.

Stories

Published Short Stories

Date	Title	Category	Hits
Dec 16, 2007	freeWonder	Poetry	274
Dec 2, 2007	Brake Now	Horror	503
Dec 2, 2007	A Momentary Thing	Miscellaneous Stories	422

Comments

Total number of comments: 16

Title article: To Slip Away
Date: 2007-12-16 23:03:09

It's a little heavy-handed. Crying, dying, tear, pain, knife, "Love burns us". All really over-the-top

Title article: A Momentary Thing
Date: 2007-12-10 01:56:52

Thanks for the comments. I know my stories so far aren't very concrete, and that mostly stems from the fact that I've spent the last three years writing nothing but poetry.

I'll continue to write in this style as well as try some new ones out. I have a few ideas in mind already for follow-ups, so I hope you stop by when they're done

Title article: Driver
Date: 2007-12-07 21:21:58

Your writing style reminds me of my own, which I suppose is why I like it so much.

I don't like the use of the word Driver as a proper name. I'd keep the capital but throw in a 'the'.

Anyways, it's good. Cheers.

Title article: Brake Now
Date: 2007-12-07 19:29:23

It's a little abstract. I'll try to explain somewhat.

The character at the beginning, the little one, is watching two seemingly alien people talk to each other, and it's disturbing to him. But then later, he becomes those alien people, and to him it seems normal now. To the point he'd be willing to sit down within this Nightmare and drink a cup of tea. And the implication is that there would be a new 'little one' watching them, and the whole thing repeats over again.

It's also meant to be somewhat of a dreamscape. Hence the 'fogginess' and the fact that the room changes every time the character turns around and then turns back.

It's filled with references to Plato's Allegory of the Cave, and follows the events in said allegory quite closely.

Anyways I've been told by some that this is brilliant and others that it's terrible, both online and in person. So really I think it's just sort of niche

Title article: Its behind me
Date: 2007-12-05 03:09:21

Got to agree. This needs to be expanded on.
It's not terribly original either. But is well writen.

Title article: The Holidays
Date: 2007-12-05 02:02:20

I love the concept. Brilliant idea

Title article: Fingernails
Date: 2007-12-03 03:39:40

Mm, rebellion.

A few comments and suggestions:
I like how smoothly the transition between him being a child, a teenager and then an adult is. It makes sense.

"The sniff was like a drug, like sniffing crack."
This line is terrible. Really.

If you found a bloody fingernail on the ground, would your first instinct be to put it in your pocket? That doesn't really make any sense to me.

Finally, instead of saying 'his favorite band was Disturbed', you might be better off to describe what the music sounds like. And tie what the music sounds like into the rest of the story.

I'm interested to see where this is going.
Cheers

Title article: The Chat from Hell
Date: 2007-12-02 10:40:40

Lovely; we're left hanging, don't even know if anyone actually dies or not.

Uh, there are obvious limitations to writing only in dialog, and it shows here. But that's the entire point, I suppose.
It's entertaining and somewhat novel.

Good job. Cheers.

Title article: A Sacrifice to the Republic
Date: 2007-12-02 10:21:35

On the positive: It's very easy to relate to the protagonist. The point is clear, and the story is easy to follow.

Now, to be cynical; the vocabulary and imagery are pretty bland, there are a ton of punctuation-related errors, and this 'Republic' alluded to in the title is never actually mentioned in the story, which I found disappointing.

Anyways, good luck with future story-writing and whatnot. Cheers.

Title article: Blokes and B*tches third
Date: 2007-12-02 10:03:04

It's charming in its bluntness. A lot of errors, but this story did catch my eye, and I did read it to the end.

You might want to consider quotation marks in the future.

Cheers.

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Last 10 Forum Posts

Date	Subject	Category	Hits
12/16/2007 09:39:31	Re:favorite qoutes?	Off-Topic	3204
12/15/2007 02:35:45	Re:favorite qoutes?	Off-Topic	3204
12/07/2007 09:47:20	Sounds in Order	Off-Topic	967
12/07/2007 09:26:06	Re:what's your favorite book?	Off-Topic	13521