Short Stories | Storiesville.com - J. J. White (whitj310)

The warm days of summer were gone now and with the...

(my old writing, I wonder if there are visible...

J. J. White (whitj310) Profile Page

Hits	3025
Online Status	OFFLINE
Member Since	05/25/2007
Last Online	01/07/2009
Connections	2
Avg Profile Rating

Website/Blog:	www.jjwhite.org
About Myself:	I'm a new writer from Florida. I've finished two novels, "Earned Inheritance" and "The Lesbian Murders." I've written 40 short stories. Surf (in ocean not computer) tennis, golf. Love writing.

Stories

Published Short Stories

Date	Title	Category	Hits
Jun 24, 2007	Briareus	Mystery	852
May 25, 2007	The Vial	Adventure	1054

<< Start < Prev 1 [2] Next > End >>

Comments

Total number of comments: 26

Title article: Writing Prompt "The Gambler and the Bum"
Date: 2008-12-28 16:15:41

Thank you Eliot. I'm not sure how to use that private message thing, but thanks for the nice comment
JJ

Title article: Tumbleweeds, Devil's Claw, and Thistles
Date: 2008-12-26 20:25:51

Mighty Fine
I reread the poem without the slang and I think it read better. But excellent as is. Reminds me of Zane Grey and Louis La Mour.(sic)
JJ

Title article: HOLY SATURDAY.
Date: 2008-10-30 09:30:49

poetic
I like the way you've written the segment to force the reader to think. I haven't read the prequel, but I will. Without knowing the story. I feel like it's a period piece, maybe the 1950's but I'm unsure. Different than you're previous work, more poetic. Saturdays for me at the church was only Catechism and confession-- not the best memories.
JJ White

Title article: THE BALLAD OF MARY JEAN JACKSON
Date: 2008-10-27 16:08:32

Well Crafted
I can almost hear the song playing.
It seems to work best in my head in 3/4 time with acoustic guitar or light piano.
As a poem, you'd have a hard time with it in contests, since you use rhyme and meter, but as lyrics they're as good as any well written song.
Nice work.
JJ White

Title article: Damn Ostriches
Date: 2008-05-31 08:00:29

Tut Tut
I suggest you check between you legs and make sure they're still there. The only thing you didn't do was scream like a girl.
Seriously, you told a great tale. Some of the best non-fiction I've read. four stars and two snaps.

Title article: New Topic # 5
Date: 2008-05-05 15:00:56

Ninja Cupcake World
I almost shit when you said his ordinary world was that of a ninja. The world's greatest oxymoron, like James Bond agonizing over his menial job. Good writing, sometimes too much passive voice , but otherwise fantastic.
JJ

Title article: Alternative Gaye Calling
Date: 2008-04-10 19:15:43

Alternative Gaye Calling
Man, Marvin's rolling in his grave. You didn't mention he was stoned at the time but I'm willing to bet it happened just like that. Fantastic writing, good pace. Nice to read good writing. A +
JJ

Title article: The Country Way
Date: 2008-03-13 13:35:29

Country Way
Alison,
Watch your grammar, especially comma use before 'but'.
You use a lot of 'ings' for presnt tense.
Good plot and content.
JJ

Title article: Unfortunatley Unlucky ~ Part One~
Date: 2008-03-08 16:20:32

See, nobody's perfect
I said your talented. I meant you're talented. I shall whip myself 100 lashes.
JJ

Title article: Unfortunatley Unlucky ~ Part One~
Date: 2008-03-08 16:16:16

Good
Some comments Jo,
I found it's tough to get comments on short story sites for chapters in a novel. The reason for that is when someone hasn't read previous chapters they lose interest. Having said that don't get discouraged. By forcing yourself to write the chapters in order to post, you gain valuable writing experience which ultimately is what sells your manuscript. I've written two 85,000 word novels doing just that. The hard part comes after you've written the first draft. The story is interesting and I can see it's going to keep the reader wanting more.
Instead of "Ruby was sitting" try to write with action verbs like "Ruby sat" It makes it easier on the reader. Also you have too much description after taglines. It's better to say, Ruby said or said Ruby then to say Ruby said, as she grabbed a widget or whatever. I thought you introduced too many characters. Pick one character and dwell on them and their POV. Keep on keeping on. Your talented.
JJ

<< Start < Prev [1] 2 3 Next > End >>

Forum

Last 10 Forum Posts

Date	Subject	Category	Hits
06/23/2008 14:38:49	Re:What Happened to Storiesville?	Off-Topic	8726
04/29/2008 16:32:20	Re:New Topic # 5...i think	Off-Topic	2617
04/20/2008 15:58:51	Re:Any writers from Vermont?	Off-Topic	283
03/06/2008 19:25:43	Re:The 13th.	Off-Topic	9581
03/05/2008 09:24:01	Re:The 13th.	Off-Topic	9581
02/29/2008 22:37:45	Re:TOPIC 2	Off-Topic	3150
02/20/2008 01:03:21	Re:Write A Quick One!	Off-Topic	1090