Broken Glass

The first thing Pamela noticed when she opened her...

Triple the Trouble, Chapter 1

Triple the Trouble A Cynical Chick Flick...
Daniel (thickblueline) Profile Page
Daniel (thickblueline)
Hits 2675
Online Status OFFLINE
Member Since 04/11/2008
Last Online 01/08/2009
Connections 7
Avg Profile Rating
 
About Myself: I'm a new writer, looking for feedback. I enjoy writing short stories, but novel writing is my passion. Now if I can just stick with one long enough to finish it. I'm a police officer, if you couldn't tell by my username, so I write about what I know. Thanks for reading

Stories


Published Short Stories

 
DateTitleCategoryHits
Nov 17, 2008Santa's Little Helper, Chapter 1Miscellaneous Stories 119
Nov 9, 2008Rookie, Chapter 15Miscellaneous Stories 102
Nov 8, 2008ChosenMiscellaneous Stories 224
Nov 8, 2008Rookie, Chapter 14Miscellaneous Stories 105
Nov 7, 2008Rookie, Chapter 13Miscellaneous Stories 88
Nov 5, 2008Rookie, Chapter 12Miscellaneous Stories 85
Nov 4, 2008Rookie, Chapter 11Miscellaneous Stories 78
Nov 3, 2008Rookie, Chapter 10Miscellaneous Stories 97
Oct 30, 2008Jack Harper and the Schoolyard Ghost, Chapter 1Miscellaneous Stories 73
Oct 16, 2008Project MorningstarMiscellaneous Stories 122
Oct 14, 2008Rookie, Chapter 9Miscellaneous Stories 102
Oct 2, 2008A Killer in the HouseMiscellaneous Stories 154
Oct 1, 2008A Mothers' LifeMiscellaneous Stories 149
Sep 28, 2008Rookie, Chapter 8Miscellaneous Stories 144
Sep 27, 2008Rookie, Chapter 7Miscellaneous Stories 124
Sep 26, 2008Rookie, Chapter 6Miscellaneous Stories 123
Sep 23, 2008Rookie, Chapter 5Miscellaneous Stories 141
Sep 14, 2008Rookie, Chapter 4Miscellaneous Stories 138
Sep 13, 2008Rookie, Chapter 3Miscellaneous Stories 128
Sep 11, 2008Rookie, Chapter 2Miscellaneous Stories 193

Comments

Total number of comments: 106

Title article: On Call
Date: 2009-01-07 00:35:49
Wow
Did not see that one coming, and I like to think of myself as a perceptive and handsome guy. This was a great story with an interesting and unique premise. Bravo. keep writing!

Title article: Where Earth Begins and Sky Ends
Date: 2009-01-04 18:58:01
..
Good bit of writing. It flowed well and I found myself looking forward to reading more. You've got an excellent idea here. The only thing I would recomend is maybe introducing the main character some, that way I know who is talking to me

Title article: All That Matters
Date: 2009-01-04 18:34:16
...
I always had this exact same thought whenever I watched Star trek. What if it wasn't really Captain Kirk that laned on the planet. What if it was just a copy who thought he was the real deal? You managed to put it together into a clever story with a nice twist at the end. Keep Writing!

Title article: Wishful Thinking, Chapter 1
Date: 2009-01-04 16:58:25
..
Another great bit of writing. You really have a talent for this. The rest of us mere mortals have to scratch and dig for it. Seriously, this was an interesting piece and I'm looking forward to reading the rest

Title article: Richard Hickock, Where Are You Now?
Date: 2009-01-04 16:47:04
...
An absorbing tale that I thoroughly enjoyed. You used unique metaphors to bring the town of Olathe to life, which really added a lot to the story. Keep writing!

Title article: Lord Have Mercy #1+2
Date: 2009-01-04 16:22:35
..
Nice bit of writing. Kept me reading until the very end, so you've obviously got my attention. I found the main character likeable, and a little bit pathetic, which i assume is what you were going for. There is room for improvement, but that can be said for everything. Keep writing!

Title article: A Shot Too Far
Date: 2009-01-04 15:53:56
...
Bravo. You had me all excited to read this and you certainly didn't dissappoint. I was a little bummed about Sharpe's fate, but the twist at the end cleared it up nicely.

Title article: A Shot in the Dark
Date: 2009-01-04 15:44:40
Excellent
Excellent bit of writing. This reminded me of a Tom Clancy novel and I found myself on the edge of the seat as I read it. Can't wait to read the next part.

Title article: Secret Admirer
Date: 2009-01-04 15:30:17
...
This was a good story. It had a good solid premise to it which I found enjoyable to read. Reminded me of one of the cozy mystery books that I like to curl up around and spend the night with...Does that make me a loser? Anyways, the way to make this a GREAT story is to personify your characters a bit more. Build them up so the reader can actually see them, instead of just their names on the page. Do this by using subtle imagery, suggestive dialogue, and throw in an occasional quirk or two that the reader can identify with. Maybe Danny has an annoying habit of sucking his teeth or something. How does the Main Character feel about that? Does she think it's cute or does it get on her nerves? Just some suggestions. Keep writing!

Title article: KNOCK ...KNOCK
Date: 2009-01-04 15:05:39
...
I agree with the above comment. This story has potential, but it needs to be worked on a little more. The best advice that I can give you is to read everything you can get your hands on, particularly in the genre that you choose to write in. Keep writing

<< Start < Prev [1] 2 3 4 5 6 ... 11 Next > End >>

Forum


Last 10 Forum Posts
DateSubjectCategoryHits
01/04/2009 19:19:37Re:The RookieOff-Topic236
12/24/2008 14:42:40Re:Merry Christmas!Off-Topic476
12/15/2008 20:55:42Novella'sOff-Topic159
12/15/2008 14:41:51Re:Gotta Site/Blog/Whatever? Let's see 'em!Off-Topic376
11/23/2008 19:01:39Re:HEEEEELLLLP!Off-Topic279
11/03/2008 15:32:59Re:I guess we all need a break sometimeOff-Topic168
11/03/2008 14:57:16I guess we all need a break sometimeOff-Topic168
10/24/2008 14:45:45Re:I must perservereOff-Topic910
10/21/2008 01:34:54I must perservereOff-Topic910
08/27/2008 01:35:17Re:How Do You?Off-Topic2970

Connection

Daniel (thickblueline)'s connections

OFFLINE Philip Neale (philneale1952)
OFFLINE HilMegan (Hil)
OFFLINE Amie Kerlin (lemon)
OFFLINE George Avery (Lonepoet)
OFFLINE Max Booth III (Chainsaw Enema)
OFFLINE Jason Haugh (Something Indecent)
OFFLINE D.A. Ross (D.A. Ross)
 

Guestbook


Name Entry
Philip Neale (philneale1952)

Derbyshire, England
 Created On: 01/01/2009 17:58:44
Can't believe I didn't do this already either.

Happy Easter!!!

Phil
Nathan Weaver (onyxdragon)

Missouri
 Created On: 11/17/2008 12:23:55
FYI, I uploaded the second chapter to "Going Nowhere." The 3rd coming soon.
Max Booth III (Chainsaw Enema)

 Created On: 11/10/2008 12:12:22
Edited By Max Booth III (Zombie Punk) On: 11/10/2008 12:12:34
To be the first to sign, I shall say you are a great writer with loads of talent. Keep working on Rookie, cause in all truth, it's really good.

Pictures

Picture/Images uploaded by the member


...



 

Remove Ads