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Sinai 31st July Dear God...

Her Words Are Flowers

Her Words Are Flowers She...
J.J (soulwriter) Profile Page
J.J (soulwriter)
Hits 1548
Online Status OFFLINE
Member Since 04/24/2008
Last Online 12/30/2008
Connections 1
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Stories


Published Short Stories

 
DateTitleCategoryHits
Nov 20, 2008The Shame of YouPoetry 81
Nov 12, 2008Scene of the Setting SunPoetry 89
Nov 10, 2008Show Me My Way Out, Kind SirsPoetry 76
Aug 4, 2008Catching madness without losin' ItPoetry 178
Jul 15, 2008Two Sides of the SpectrumMiscellaneous Stories 162
Jul 14, 2008Imagination Encircles The WorldPoetry 230
Jul 13, 2008Her Most Loyal ManPoetry 194
Jul 6, 2008That One Perfect ChordPoetry 189
Jul 3, 2008Whistlin' Past the GraveyardPoetry 232
Jul 2, 2008Everything You Can ThinkPoetry 171
Jun 30, 2008Building Steam with a Grain of GodPoetry 299
Jun 28, 2008In a Sentimental MoodPoetry 143
Jun 28, 2008Self-Portrait in Three ColorsPoetry 135
Jun 26, 2008What goes on in the suburban streetsPoetry 147
Jun 24, 2008It's the MoneyPoetry 157
Jun 24, 2008She and she alonePoetry 144
Jun 21, 2008Watching the dreamersPoetry 137
Jun 17, 2008Something about confusionPoetry 148
Jun 14, 2008Though it was only dreaming, it stayed with me (poem)Poetry 109
Jun 13, 2008The Passenger (a poem)Poetry 133
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Comments

Title article: Parapraxis
Date: 2008-06-15 07:35:29
Pretty good.
One problem - Lilly leaving Rob in the diner. The scene is done too fast, you need to describe it in more detail - maybe another description of the other patrons of the diner. It moves just a little too fast as it is, breaking the flow a little. Otherwise, well done.

Title article: Coffee Stains, Chapter 1
Date: 2008-06-14 16:46:01
Wow.
You've got a singular writing style, similar enough to Vonnegut to be noticable, but dissimilar enough to make the story your own. "Dylan clinched his solution" - that doesn't quite make sense, but it doesn't matter. 
 
It's told somewhat like the narration in the film Badlands, the odd perfection of the almost childlike simplicity. 
 
Sorry this comment makes little sense. It's a wonderful first chapter.

Title article: Dream #1
Date: 2008-06-02 14:34:40

Hmm. I have no recollection of writing this, but you're right - that last sentence is not needed at all. Thanks.

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