Leaving

Leaving Fall has always been my...

Cassandra's House, Chapter 1

CASSANDRA'S HOUSE Chapter One...
J.J (soulwriter) Profile Page
J.J (soulwriter)
Hits 1550
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Member Since 04/24/2008
Last Online 12/30/2008
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Stories


Published Short Stories

 
DateTitleCategoryHits
Jun 13, 2008The Average Man (a poem)Poetry 171
Jun 5, 2008Feeling nostalgic for when tomorrow was your future?Miscellaneous Stories 198
Jun 1, 2008Dream #1Miscellaneous Stories 181
Apr 24, 2008All Night BarHorror 400
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Comments

Total number of comments: 36

Title article: Show Me My Way Out, Kind Sirs
Date: 2008-11-10 16:09:17

Here, there, and everywhere.

Title article: Why
Date: 2008-07-15 06:39:52

These lines make no sense to me, I'm afraid -  
 
Shuttle cock and loom (loom isn't a noun, and why are you bringing badminton into it?) 
 
Consume the drum is beating boldly (the drum is called Comsume?) 
 
I'm guessing this poem is about the doom that greed and evil will bring, resulting in war, yeah? And this "simple soul" is the way to be? Why speak about pigs in a sty? Are they supposed to represent the "moneyed faces" as the "simple soul" sees them? 
 
It's okay, but again, those lines are somewhat fluffed.

Title article: Imagination Encircles The World
Date: 2008-07-14 18:03:17

Believe me, I need periods...like a woman needs wet dreams. Ahahaha...I made a pun.

Title article: Her Most Loyal Man
Date: 2008-07-14 15:38:21

"his love" - it means as in she is his love - he's referring to her as "his love". He thinks he is in love with her, and calls her his love, as in "his one true love".

Title article: Unavoidable Detours Created By The Elderly.
Date: 2008-07-13 19:19:35

Yeah, just a moment in someone's life, these two young people surrounded by the old. I really liked how the old guys kept harassing him, like he'd entered their territory.  
 
You're a really good writer, you don't need gimmicks like shock endings or any obviously exciting plot device to make your story gripping (but in a relaxed way...if that makes sense)

Title article: Her Most Loyal Man
Date: 2008-07-13 19:07:37

Damn, can't seem to fix it. 
 
By the by, I should say that the guy in the poem isn't me.

Title article: To Whom It May Concern
Date: 2008-07-13 16:28:35

Wow. Good insight into the sort of nature and personality that leads to that kind of stuff. 
 
Maybe you should make it longer and add in speific incidents that made the guy so disillusioned.

Title article: Secret Wars
Date: 2008-07-06 09:47:33

Quite a likeable poem, flows well. There are a few mistakes - using "your" instead of "you're" and not capitalizing "I". Also, there are a few lines that don't really work - the aforementioned "that constantly screams,patient" - are you saying the crowd is calling him a mental patient, i.e. insane? 
"it has boggled your memory" - you're thinking of "mind-boggling" and trying to use it to say "ruined your memory", that doesn't quite fit.

Title article: Testing My Pencil
Date: 2008-07-06 09:40:29

That's a pretty original piece of writing, probably the first time I've seen someone ask his pencil's opinion (at least, without there being some ingestion of LSD or something similar beforehand). Well done.

Title article: Just another point of view
Date: 2008-07-03 03:42:30

Wow. The sins of the father is a pretty unique topic for a poem, and you've done it well, except maybe the inclusion of the phrase "Daft bastard" doesn't quite suit the tone of the poem, being slightly more informal than the rest.

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