Under Pressure

Vianne stood outside and stared at the flat tire on...

Dominate the House

The birth of my nephew is what brought me back to...
Nunyo Bidness (cookingWine) Profile Page
Nunyo Bidness (cookingWine)
Hits 6041
Online Status OFFLINE
Member Since 02/26/2008
Last Online 11/18/2008
Connections 12
Avg Profile Rating
 
About Myself: I'm looking for an interesting writer to critique heavily.
(story about thek nuckleballer)

Stories


Published Short Stories

 
DateTitleCategoryHits
Oct 31, 2008A Passing Strangeness.Miscellaneous Stories 64
Oct 11, 2008A Night After Dinner.Miscellaneous Stories 161
Sep 12, 2008Disillusionment.Miscellaneous Stories 143
Sep 11, 2008A History of the Defeated.Miscellaneous Stories 184
Aug 23, 2008Life As He Knew It.Miscellaneous Stories 174
Jul 20, 2008Under The Stars.Miscellaneous Stories 200
Jul 11, 2008Unavoidable Detours Created By The Elderly.Miscellaneous Stories 220
Jul 3, 2008Honest Livings.Miscellaneous Stories 187
Jun 22, 2008Preferences.Miscellaneous Stories 141
Jun 14, 2008Velocity.Miscellaneous Stories 163
Jun 11, 2008Coffee Stains, Chapter 2Miscellaneous Stories 276
Jun 8, 2008Coffee Stains, Chapter 1Miscellaneous Stories 561
May 25, 2008His Favorite Chords.Miscellaneous Stories 641
Apr 27, 2008Admittedly, I Have Been Busy.Miscellaneous Stories 354
Mar 19, 200811:11 And 11:12 Can Be DifferentMiscellaneous Stories 573
Mar 14, 2008Drops Of Rain.Miscellaneous Stories 324
Mar 10, 2008The Sunlight That Didn't Come Through The Blinds.Miscellaneous Stories 356
Mar 8, 2008How Dolan Quit His Job, Without Pronouncing His Name.Miscellaneous Stories 353
Mar 6, 2008You Can't Unring A Bell.Miscellaneous Stories 344
Mar 5, 2008The Strangest Places.Miscellaneous Stories 321
<< Start < Prev [1] 2 Next > End >>

Comments

Title article: The Old Maid
Date: 2008-02-26 22:50:51
eh.
It was funny, but not hilarious. It almost seems like sitcom humor, kind of recycled? You definitely have the guts to make it remarkable. My main issue has to do with the character being committed to what he seems to be. But all in all, being funny on paper is hard, and you do it. But I think I have the potential to be laughing harder. 
 
I think you were going in a beautiful direction with the line already mentioned, "When you’re sober the smell of booze jumps out at you like the background images in some psychedelic poster," but have you smelled booze hungover? It's like getting hit with a train that you didn't see coming, every single time. You can look away from a poster, the smell of booze doesn't shake that easy. Commit.

Forum


Last 10 Forum Posts
DateSubjectCategoryHits
05/27/2008 09:10:25Re:Comments: Tragedy and Good IntentionsOff-Topic1661
05/26/2008 20:46:26Comments: Tragedy and Good IntentionsOff-Topic1661
05/21/2008 22:49:20Re:Favorite AuthorOff-Topic5048
05/20/2008 11:12:23Re:Writing TipsOff-Topic979
05/20/2008 11:11:48Re:Writing TipsOff-Topic979
03/13/2008 23:12:52Re:What do YOU do when planning stories?Off-Topic1044
03/01/2008 01:58:42Re:Appreciate it.Off-Topic811
02/29/2008 05:09:48Appreciate it.Off-Topic811

Connection

Nunyo Bidness (cookingWine)'s connections

OFFLINE Kasi (Kasi Elaborated)
OFFLINE Philip Neale (philneale1952)
OFFLINE Dipankar Dasgupta (d.dasgupta)
OFFLINE JJ Tyler (JJtyler)
OFFLINE Jody (Jody)
OFFLINE tomahawk (tomahawk)
OFFLINE Thomas Reynolds (ThomasP3)
OFFLINE Christopher Chadwyck (Chadwyck45)
OFFLINE Egoist (Egoist)
OFFLINE Patrick Lytle (PKLytle)
 
<< Start < Prev [1] 2 Next > End >>

Guestbook


Name Entry
JJ Tyler (JJtyler)

ATX
 Created On: 10/11/2008 11:55:03
You blasphemer. I'm a fan of the second smallest market in the NBA, and our leader has more rings than 24.
BGM (BGM)

 Created On: 09/09/2008 11:49:25
Edited By Jutta Motrin (Juttabell^^) On: 09/09/2008 11:55:02
George: What's "dude"? Is that like "dude ranch"?
Wyatt: Dude means nice guy. Dude means a regular sort of person.
- Easy Rider

You, Dude-Man.
Me, Queen of Cool.

What are you, a Libertarian Republican?
BGM (BGM)

 Created On: 09/08/2008 13:58:07
Edited By Jutta Motrin (Juttabell^^) On: 09/09/2008 11:55:35
Wouldn't that make you the undignified jockey?

BGM (BGM)

 Created On: 09/03/2008 21:29:53
Edited By Jutta Motrin (Juttabell^^) On: 09/03/2008 21:34:41
Green-eyed, best idiot SAVANT that there can possibly be, caped, tight underwear-wearing, fanny pack-sporting, taller than a skyscraper, more lively version of Ennui .
BGM (BGM)

 Created On: 07/19/2008 23:25:02
Edited By Jutta Motrin (Juttabell^^) On: 07/19/2008 23:25:45
SPAZ
Max Booth III (Zombie Punk)

a wasteland
 Created On: 07/05/2008 23:35:00
Edited By Max Booth III (Zombie Punk) On: 07/05/2008 23:35:22
whoa! there seems to be some serious heat here. but i like the cold, so i'm moving on. see ya

BGM (BGM)

 Created On: 06/17/2008 06:35:22
Edited By Jutta Motrin (CELL) On: 06/17/2008 06:36:00
White Tiger
BGM (BGM)

 Created On: 06/13/2008 07:46:37
Edited By Jutta Motrin (CELL) On: 06/17/2008 06:36:32
Funny, I remember the conversation going more like this:


>>>>>>>>>>CELL wrote:
>>>>>>>>>>>>>Eh, I'm bored. Goodbye.

>>>>>>>>>> cookingWine wrote:
>>>>>>>>>>>>Of course Juttabell, and you know that they only go "peuw peuw" for you!

>>>>>>>CELL wrote:
>>>>>>>>>> Fanny Pack (i.e. you), not unless you have some lasers inside you.

>>>>>>>>cookingWine wrote:
>>>>>>>>>> You are so gracious Juttabell, please, may I compliment you on your anatomy?

>>>>>CELL wrote:
>>>>>>>> Eh, sure you can be my fanny pack.

>>>>cookingWine wrote:
>>>>> Please Juttabell!
BGM (BGM)

 Created On: 06/12/2008 13:40:22
Edited By Jutta Motrin (CELL) On: 06/13/2008 07:29:27
My fanny pack.
BGM (BGM)

 Created On: 05/28/2008 12:10:36
Edited By Jutta Motrin (CELL) On: 05/28/2008 12:12:32
Those aren't stink lines. It's the emanating glory that surrounds me.
<< Start < Prev [1] 2 Next > End >>

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