An unexpected gift, Chapter 1

(Author's note: It's the first chapter to an attempt...

Cassandra's House, Chapter 1

CASSANDRA'S HOUSE Chapter One...
Nunyo Bidness (cookingWine) Profile Page
Nunyo Bidness (cookingWine)
Hits 6492
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Member Since 02/26/2008
Last Online 01/07/2009
Connections 12
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About Myself: I'm looking for an interesting writer to critique heavily.
(story about thek nuckleballer)

Stories


Published Short Stories

 
DateTitleCategoryHits
Oct 31, 2008A Passing Strangeness.Miscellaneous Stories 97
Oct 11, 2008A Night After Dinner.Miscellaneous Stories 194
Sep 12, 2008Disillusionment.Miscellaneous Stories 162
Sep 11, 2008A History of the Defeated.Miscellaneous Stories 226
Aug 23, 2008Life As He Knew It.Miscellaneous Stories 193
Jul 20, 2008Under The Stars.Miscellaneous Stories 225
Jul 11, 2008Unavoidable Detours Created By The Elderly.Miscellaneous Stories 233
Jul 3, 2008Honest Livings.Miscellaneous Stories 200
Jun 22, 2008Preferences.Miscellaneous Stories 159
Jun 14, 2008Velocity.Miscellaneous Stories 173
Jun 11, 2008Coffee Stains, Chapter 2Miscellaneous Stories 286
Jun 8, 2008Coffee Stains, Chapter 1Miscellaneous Stories 572
May 25, 2008His Favorite Chords.Miscellaneous Stories 656
Apr 27, 2008Admittedly, I Have Been Busy.Miscellaneous Stories 371
Mar 19, 200811:11 And 11:12 Can Be DifferentMiscellaneous Stories 588
Mar 14, 2008Drops Of Rain.Miscellaneous Stories 341
Mar 10, 2008The Sunlight That Didn't Come Through The Blinds.Miscellaneous Stories 370
Mar 8, 2008How Dolan Quit His Job, Without Pronouncing His Name.Miscellaneous Stories 372
Mar 6, 2008You Can't Unring A Bell.Miscellaneous Stories 366
Mar 5, 2008The Strangest Places.Miscellaneous Stories 336
<< Start < Prev [1] 2 Next > End >>

Comments

Title article: Confessions in the produce aisle
Date: 2008-03-10 20:44:57

that was kind of worth it, i guess. is what it is, and not a whole lot more. suppose in many situations that's a good thing.

Title article: One Hundred Degrees Celsius
Date: 2008-03-09 22:14:27

It's weird how it can start so cliche and boring, and end somewhere different. I'm not used to that. But if I was reading like I read every other night, I would have quit after about the third sentence. I'm only kind of glad I didn't, because it was a bad ratio of good paragraphs to bad ones. 
 
But overall, it left a good taste in my mouth.

Title article: You Can't Unring A Bell.
Date: 2008-03-09 16:33:21

I enjoyed this one a lot. It's so deep in meaning and rich in imagery. It seemed to have had a care-free tone which set the beginning. I really liked the title, hell, I liked the entire thing.

Title article: Chancellor Riggin #8: On top of Cheokee Country
Date: 2008-03-09 10:53:42

Never end a story with a cliche. 
 
If they are really bad guys, I don't think they would care much what the other people thought about them. 
 
Also, the kid cradling up with his horse like a woman was pretty strange.

Title article: Chancellor Riggin # 7 Meet The Riddilins
Date: 2008-03-09 10:50:51

Eh. 
I didn't think horses bit when they were mad. I'm pretty sure they use some of the strongest legs in the animal kingdom to kick.  
But hell, your story.

Title article: Chancellor Riggin #6: Reason Behind Torris
Date: 2008-03-09 10:47:50

Way too much. He gets on the train, sometime after killing 100 indians and 100 mexicans, only to have to fight more gunslingers, the "riddlin boys", and cherokee's.  
 
In the same vein, you could give him AIDS, cancer, syphilis, and a heart attack all at once.

Title article: Chancellor Riggin 5: Destination Reached
Date: 2008-03-09 10:44:05

You do an unexpectedly good job at hooking and creating suspense, even if it is through rather unbelievable means. 
 
As far as criticism goes, it's impossible to wake up extremely startled. There isn't such a thing as a calm startling. Choose your words where you need them, not as filler. 
 
It's getting closer to getting me attached to his plight.

Title article: Chancellor Riggin #4- The Strength of A Dun
Date: 2008-03-09 10:39:47

I didn't enjoy it. It's too over-the-top cliche western. 
 
It was a solid attempt at telling the relationship with the horse, but honestly, you could have edited out almost that entire "chapter" for just the line where he said he'd shoot the guy who wanted to stab his horse, because that shows more than what you told me.

Title article: Seven Letter Word
Date: 2008-03-08 22:35:56

(Continuing, ran out of letters) 
3) Avoid the melodramatic, aka, "It was earth", a good line in itself, but you space it out like it's an apocalyptic moment where it simply doesn't carry the meaning and depth to deserve spacing as a separate thought. 
4) I would sincerely like to hear why you opened with those first two sentences so I can get a better feel for what you were trying to accomplish. 
5) Don't be so tied to motion. Inactivity in a story is a writers playground, and you need to exploit the complexity of something so heavy being counterbalanced by a kid who doesn't seem to give two shits to thinking about it. 
 
(This is cookingWine, by the way, I just noticed that comments are occasionally handicapped.) 
Get back to me if you want more.

Title article: a perfect summer evening
Date: 2008-03-08 21:20:56

I kind of liked that, in a different way. I'd like to see more of something like this, just a simple scene. 
Mainly because I don't have the patience to drag through the longer stories.

Forum


Last 10 Forum Posts
DateSubjectCategoryHits
05/27/2008 08:10:25Re:Comments: Tragedy and Good IntentionsOff-Topic1794
05/26/2008 19:46:26Comments: Tragedy and Good IntentionsOff-Topic1794
05/21/2008 21:49:20Re:Favorite AuthorOff-Topic5718
05/20/2008 10:12:23Re:Writing TipsOff-Topic1085
05/20/2008 10:11:48Re:Writing TipsOff-Topic1085
03/13/2008 22:12:52Re:What do YOU do when planning stories?Off-Topic1099
03/01/2008 00:58:42Re:Appreciate it.Off-Topic878
02/29/2008 04:09:48Appreciate it.Off-Topic878

Connection

Nunyo Bidness (cookingWine)'s connections

OFFLINE Yahaira (Lockes)
OFFLINE Kasi (Kasi)
OFFLINE Philip Neale (philneale1952)
OFFLINE Dipankar Dasgupta (d.dasgupta)
ONLINE JJ Tyler (JJtyler)
OFFLINE Jody (Jody)
OFFLINE tomahawk (tomahawk)
OFFLINE Thomas Reynolds (ThomasP3)
OFFLINE Christopher Chadwyck (Chadwyck45)
OFFLINE Egoist (Egoist)
 
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Guestbook


Name Entry
Yahaira (Lockes)

 Created On: 01/05/2009 08:56:29
Edited By Yahaira (Lockes) On: 01/05/2009 09:14:57
Where's your baby momma?
JJ Tyler (JJtyler)

ATX
 Created On: 10/11/2008 13:55:03
You blasphemer. I'm a fan of the second smallest market in the NBA, and our leader has more rings than 24.
Jutta Motrin (Juttabell^^)
This e-mail address is being protected from spam bots, you need JavaScript enabled to view it 		Created On: 09/09/2008 13:49:25
Edited By Jutta Motrin (Juttabell^^) On: 09/09/2008 13:55:02
George: What's "dude"? Is that like "dude ranch"?
Wyatt: Dude means nice guy. Dude means a regular sort of person.
- Easy Rider

You, Dude-Man.
Me, Queen of Cool.

What are you, a Libertarian Republican?
Jutta Motrin (Juttabell^^)
This e-mail address is being protected from spam bots, you need JavaScript enabled to view it 		Created On: 09/08/2008 15:58:07
Edited By Jutta Motrin (Juttabell^^) On: 09/09/2008 13:55:35
Wouldn't that make you the undignified jockey?

Jutta Motrin (Juttabell^^)
This e-mail address is being protected from spam bots, you need JavaScript enabled to view it 		Created On: 09/03/2008 23:29:53
Edited By Jutta Motrin (Juttabell^^) On: 09/03/2008 23:34:41
Green-eyed, best idiot SAVANT that there can possibly be, caped, tight underwear-wearing, fanny pack-sporting, taller than a skyscraper, more lively version of Ennui .
Jutta Motrin (Juttabell^^)
This e-mail address is being protected from spam bots, you need JavaScript enabled to view it 		Created On: 07/20/2008 01:25:02
Edited By Jutta Motrin (Juttabell^^) On: 07/20/2008 01:25:45
SPAZ
Max Booth III (Chainsaw Enema)

a wasteland
 Created On: 07/06/2008 01:35:00
Edited By Max Booth III (Zombie Punk) On: 07/06/2008 01:35:22
whoa! there seems to be some serious heat here. but i like the cold, so i'm moving on. see ya

Jutta Motrin (CELL)
This e-mail address is being protected from spam bots, you need JavaScript enabled to view it 		Created On: 06/17/2008 08:35:22
Edited By Jutta Motrin (CELL) On: 06/17/2008 08:36:00
White Tiger
Jutta Motrin (CELL)
This e-mail address is being protected from spam bots, you need JavaScript enabled to view it 		Created On: 06/13/2008 09:46:37
Edited By Jutta Motrin (CELL) On: 06/17/2008 08:36:32
Funny, I remember the conversation going more like this:


>>>>>>>>>>CELL wrote:
>>>>>>>>>>>>>Eh, I'm bored. Goodbye.

>>>>>>>>>> cookingWine wrote:
>>>>>>>>>>>>Of course Juttabell, and you know that they only go "peuw peuw" for you!

>>>>>>>CELL wrote:
>>>>>>>>>> Fanny Pack (i.e. you), not unless you have some lasers inside you.

>>>>>>>>cookingWine wrote:
>>>>>>>>>> You are so gracious Juttabell, please, may I compliment you on your anatomy?

>>>>>CELL wrote:
>>>>>>>> Eh, sure you can be my fanny pack.

>>>>cookingWine wrote:
>>>>> Please Juttabell!
Jutta Motrin (CELL)
This e-mail address is being protected from spam bots, you need JavaScript enabled to view it 		Created On: 06/12/2008 15:40:22
Edited By Jutta Motrin (CELL) On: 06/13/2008 09:29:27
My fanny pack.
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