At Your Command

Sinai 31st July Dear God...

The Highwayman (Based on a poem by A. Noyes.)

The echo of a galloping stallion thundered through the...
amanda (ams) Profile Page
amanda (ams)
Hits 3200
Online Status OFFLINE
Member Since 05/08/2008
Last Online 01/05/2009
Connections 8
Avg Profile Rating
 
About Myself: I'm just a kid in high school. I try to find time to write in between school work, after school activities, working a part time job, and having a social life. Pretty much the average life of the average American teenager. Hopefully I'll find the time to be back here more often, and I'll eventually get around to reading your stuff.

Stories


Published Short Stories

 
DateTitleCategoryHits
Dec 14, 2008Memories that haunt sLEEpMiscellaneous Stories 85
Oct 23, 2008Land of the FreePoetry 93
Oct 16, 2008Slave to the World, Chapter 3Horror 126
Oct 6, 2008Slave to the World, Chapter 2Horror 161
Sep 28, 2008Slave to the World, Chapter 1Horror 197
Sep 27, 2008Losing HimRomance 523
Sep 17, 2008Slave to the World, Chapter 0Horror 401
Sep 5, 2008Things aren't always as they appearNon-Fiction 290
Sep 4, 2008BREAKING through the SuRfAcEPoetry 134
Aug 22, 2008missingMystery 185
Aug 11, 2008bottled UPPoetry 355
Jul 22, 2008heaven won't let me inPoetry 249
Jul 3, 2008ThE sToRmPoetry 263
Jul 1, 2008I Am the FailurePoetry 388
Jun 13, 2008Falling to Pieces, Chapter 2Adventure 131
Jun 11, 2008The Last of the FearsNon-Fiction 271
May 27, 2008Falling to Pieces, Chapter 1Adventure 198
May 18, 2008The Undreadful MondayNon-Fiction 669
May 8, 2008I shall not live in vainMiscellaneous Stories 416

Comments

Title article: Death
Date: 2008-07-02 22:31:30

ya definately one of the better poems by you, good job. i really enjoyed reading it. the structure was also pretty cool how you spelt death

Title article: Unwanted Surprises
Date: 2008-07-02 22:13:41

great story. i loved how you built up the suspense, i actually was expecting her husband to be dead. thats how you feel in real life though, anxiuous and always expecting the worse. 
 
loved the descriptions of hospitals being the creepy awful smelling clean place definately could relate to that. 
 
overall, it was written fairly well. there were a couple of run ons but nothing to major. in the first paragraph, a lot of the sentences began with I but it worked as a stream of consciousness. great short

Title article: The Undreadful Monday
Date: 2008-07-01 19:54:03

thanks for reading! im glad that you enjoyed it. 
 
the singer was Brittney Spears. it was about her first marriage, not the one to K fed. i think that this story occured in 2003 but i could be wrong, maybe it was 2004, idk.

Title article: A Mom's View of Summer
Date: 2008-07-01 19:37:49

that was such a cute poem. it was really light hearted and so true. My sister is five and about an hour ago she was bored so she was trying to annoy me. i read this and was like i could so relate to this.

Title article: 3-way #4
Date: 2008-07-01 19:22:21

haha wicked funny. when i logged on i saw the three way #4 and i was like i got to read it. i loved the one about the boy and the red dress. the extra one was pretty good to, the one about the babies.

Title article: I Am the Failure
Date: 2008-07-01 13:57:38

haha potter. a group hug sounds fine, but for our own personal safety i think your sister should be left out of it. she might crush us all. jk ive been reading the forums. 
 
ya, it is a confusing poem. ill leave it up to your interputation. 
 
thanks phil for the advice. ill remember that next time

Title article: I Am the Failure
Date: 2008-07-01 13:11:57

oppps that was actually unintentional. i didnt even notice it. im not sure how that happened, i cut and pasted it from word.

Title article: The Old Mirror
Date: 2008-07-01 12:30:36

okay a few things: 
 
first never start a story with once upon a time unless you're writing a comedy 
 
second: the majority of your sentences are simple sentences. this makes the flow of your story choppy and can really mess up a story. Instead of,"This antique shop was very old and rickety. There was a boy named Travis that always came into the shop." try something like Travis, a local boy, would always wander into this old antique store. He felt something almost magical about it, as if the store's quaintness had a hold on him" 
 
Third: this is more grammmatical stuff. whenever you use quotations the first letter is meant to be capitalized. also whenever any new person speaks they get their own paragraph.  
 
the story was decent, i felt like the ending kinda dropped off. there was a lot of thens and whens. keep wrting though

Title article: The Weight
Date: 2008-07-01 09:38:40

that was a really good story. i thought that the main character was developed extremly well. i thought it was something that all girls could relate to. even if its not weight, most girls are insecure about themselves. 
 
i saw the clip of the guy drawing the lines on his girlfriend and thought the same thing, if he's drawing all these lines on his model looking girlfriend's face what would he draw on mine?

Title article: Lessons
Date: 2008-06-30 21:38:47

did anyone else notice that the story about the lady killing her husband that she wrote was nonfiction?  
 
it's sad to see that people are already abusing the credits system.

Forum


Last 10 Forum Posts
DateSubjectCategoryHits
12/16/2008 15:12:48Re:Happy Birthday!Off-Topic480
11/02/2008 05:48:06Re:Deletions?Off-Topic718
09/20/2008 19:31:49Re:Proclaim Your RoyaltyOff-Topic370887
09/10/2008 12:57:49Re:Proclaim Your RoyaltyOff-Topic370887
09/05/2008 13:25:44Re:Proclaim Your RoyaltyOff-Topic370887
08/26/2008 07:32:06Re:Proclaim Your RoyaltyOff-Topic370887
08/26/2008 07:25:19Re:Proclaim Your RoyaltyOff-Topic370887
08/13/2008 15:03:29Re:Proclaim Your RoyaltyOff-Topic370887
08/12/2008 12:20:13Re:Proclaim Your RoyaltyOff-Topic370887
08/12/2008 10:43:10Re:Proclaim Your RoyaltyOff-Topic370887

Connection

amanda (ams)'s connections

ONLINE Michelle Huff (allmine)
OFFLINE Matthew Daniel Carter (Pilgrim)
OFFLINE Rich (Helpless)
OFFLINE Philip Neale (philneale1952)
OFFLINE Project 30 (Project 30)
OFFLINE Billy (Vango)
OFFLINE amanda (amyJo)
OFFLINE Max Booth III (Chainsaw Enema)
 

Guestbook


Name Entry
Max Booth III (Chainsaw Enema)

 Created On: 09/23/2008 05:35:34
Sometime in the future ...

Max Booth III (Chainsaw Enema)

getting the hell out of massachusetts
 Created On: 09/05/2008 21:14:13
Okay, we're leaving. Steve Carell freaks me out ... why does he always have to scream like that? Something's terribly wrong with his soul, it's the only conclusion I've been able to come up with.
Max Booth III (Chainsaw Enema)

Coming for you
 Created On: 09/05/2008 21:03:53
Did you really think I would find that funny?? I find that highly offensive to my Indiana people. You have pissed off an entire state. We're coming for you, Amanda. We have corn n' the cobb with hidden razor blades ... and that's about all Indiana has. Well, it has me and that's priceless.

You've pissed off the wrong tribe.

Max Booth III (Chainsaw Enema)

In your head
 Created On: 09/05/2008 20:42:44
sumbitch! *smacks self in the forehead* i knew that, too.

Nope, it's a song by the Rolling Stones called "Jumpin' Jack Flash"

Yes, it did. It does that all the time for me. Damn ghosts and their cruel tricks ... one day i'll make 'em all pay ... with possessed blood thirty purses

Max Booth III (Chainsaw Enema)

 Created On: 09/05/2008 20:27:01
Lol i wasn't trying to guess a song. To be honest, i didn't know that thing you quoted was a song. Isn't that a nursery rhyme? shit ... it sounds familiar. Why must you curse me?!
Max Booth III (Chainsaw Enema)

Dublin
 Created On: 09/05/2008 20:10:26
I was born in a cross-fire hurricane
And I howled at my ma in the driving rain,
But its all right now, in fact, its a gas!
But its all right. Im jumpin jack flash,
Its a gas! gas! gas!

I was raised by a toothless, bearded hag,
I was schooled with a strap right across my back,
But its all right now, in fact, its a gas!
But its all right, Im jumpin jack flash,
Its a gas! gas! gas!

I was drowned, I was washed up and left for dead.
I fell down to my feet and I saw they bled.
I frowned at the crumbs of a crust of bread.
Yeah, yeah, yeah
I was crowned with a spike right thru my head.
But its all right now, in fact, its a gas!
But its all right, Im jumpin jack flash,
Its a gas! gas! gas!

Jumping jack flash, its a gas
Jumping jack flash, its a gas
Jumping jack flash, its a gas
Jumping jack flash, its a gas
Jumping jack flash
Max Booth III (Chainsaw Enema)

 Created On: 09/05/2008 19:55:31
Well he needs to learn how we handle things here in the States. No matter how terrifying they may be

I don't understand. My name is Max ... not Jack. Are ... are you smoking the reefer?

Max Booth III (Chainsaw Enema)

Alaska
 Created On: 09/05/2008 19:39:03
Edited By Max Booth III (Zombie Punk) On: 09/05/2008 19:39:26
Oh, I see. If he doesn't watch his back I'm gonna sick a purse on his ass. See how he likes that!

any 3's?
Max Booth III (Chainsaw Enema)

 Created On: 09/05/2008 19:08:34
Do I have a monopoly? What the hell is that supposed to mean?

I'm more of a Go Fish kind of guy

Philip Neale (philneale1952)

Derbyshire, England
 Created On: 08/23/2008 15:07:38
Jeeez it took me like three hours to get to the end of this book.

Does Max have a monopoly?

Anyway, singing in (just the once).

Phil
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