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Hoping The Sun Doesn't Rise

Hoping The Sun Doesn't Rise ...
Xena Elvoniche (Xena) Profile Page
Xena Elvoniche (Xena)
Hits 3174
Online Status OFFLINE
Member Since 03/19/2008
Last Online 08/27/2008
Connections 4
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Website/Blog: bomboob.com
About Myself: love love love you all

Stories


Published Short Stories

 
DateTitleCategoryHits
Jul 13, 2008The Lord and The Pink Skunk 3 Chapter Nuevo RevelationsAdventure 284
Jul 4, 2008Girls Just Wanna have funNon-Fiction 192
Jun 25, 2008The exotic tales of a pink skunk and a cucumber, Chapter 76Romance 329
Jun 18, 2008A Pink Skunk and His Lord, Chapter 36Adventure 148
Jun 15, 2008The Moon is My Pet and My LoverMystery 183
Apr 25, 2008Adventures of Undead DaddyAdventure 278
Apr 24, 2008A Brazen ShameMiscellaneous Stories 240
Apr 10, 2008The Birth and Death of a Gang(ster)(s)Romance 418
Apr 7, 2008The Subway AngelScience Fiction 250
Mar 20, 2008Panda Jesus: Or How Jesus Got His Panda BackPoetry 264
Mar 20, 2008Chapter 5 RocksMystery 284

Comments

Total number of comments: 276

Title article: Walpurgis Night
Date: 2008-08-23 01:13:59
ps
and that intro is also misleading! it describes this mysterious witch gathering from germanic viking tribes.. and hey what do you mean by traditions. its a tradition held by geranic countries, where once a year witches meet? what does that mean? you mean like a holiday tradition, like eating turkey on thanksgiving? so wouldnt these be the witches tradition? so like once a year witches hold a tradition known has walrus night where they all meet in germanic countries and horrid things? cause what you said didnt make sense.. unless the germanic people r witches, and they meet? so then what do the germanic vikings do on this tradition? oh and its terrifying? ohh whats gonna happen?! i cant wait!... witches flying theyre so scary, and people get frightened... tell me thats not what happend! and then to add a unreliable narrator and unreliable characters,, you say theyre real, you say the ongoers see them and cry, yet they say later that it was suprstition! whats going on heya....

Title article: Walpurgis Night
Date: 2008-08-23 01:00:31
humlamum
the structure and flow was good.. but the substance wasnt there... like this is a feared day of witches and such... but all that is described is cliche witches swooping about... shouldnt walprig night be extra scary? or something happen thats more specific? actually all you said about the night was... witches came and swooped about. oh and theyre scary. thats it? and then you describe it as it was all in their minds... but then you specifically said there were witches! and they were all hysterical! and they say it was silly of them to think of witches.. when you again spefically said there were witches and they were running from them! whaat?! so once a year they completely over react and have vivid hallucinageons of witches and such?!... sign me up!

Title article: The Demented Quiet One
Date: 2008-08-21 18:24:20
thisgirl
is probably more fucked up then this guy is... i dont think any sane person would stick with this kid... she talks in a calm manner.. like shes sane... but she doesnt care that he sleeps with headless dolls... or huh... burned his parents alive... yea that would of done it for me.. oh you burned your house down with your parents in it? ok, goodbye...  
 
 
"while I blame your quiet stubborn acquisition is the problem" this isnt right.. doesnt need.. is the problem... or could of said... while i think your blah blah blah is the problem... or blah blah for the problem.. you cant blame something that is the problem.... you know.. you can blame the whatever for the problem... you know? dont mean to be a nitty picker.. but alot of the impact is taken from me when i stumble over jumbled wumbled words

Title article: My Inspiration: Chapter One.
Date: 2008-08-21 03:48:47
hey
and then see at the end you start using quotes, between the go ons.. so like is he saying that or writing it?...and some of the sentence structure and wording could be looked at closely... unless you are meaning to tell us this guy speaks like that... or he writes with bad grammar.. you know

Title article: My Inspiration: Chapter One.
Date: 2008-08-21 03:36:13
cuase
you see what i mean? you have no dialogue tags... the voice laughed hysterically... you liked this one, didnt you, i asked it.. or something like that... and you should change this one, cause its like youre talking about what youre writing about.. cause it sounds like its referring to the girl... this one.. so change it to that one,, cause you know when you crack a joke and they laugh you say, you liked that, or, that one, didnt you?... am i right or am i right? and now that i think abou tit.. whats the point of the voice? it says no more painting analogies but then he makes another one and he doesnt care... and so like.. everything hes writing.. hes already done.. so its like its nothing new to the guy.. the voice isnt giving any new information you know...like the voice keeps telling him to go on and and go on even though the guy already knows what to go on about.. cause hes already done it. so like why does the voice need to yell at him when he knows whats already happening.

Title article: My Inspiration: Chapter One.
Date: 2008-08-21 03:25:16
pss
more confusion.. you write the actually writing from the character in regular font... like theres no quotes to "quote" your writing, cause you are quoting what you wrote right? but if you qoute it, it would be like the dialogue right?! so italisize it baby! cause like when it said, the voice laughed hysterically, and then the next line down, it said, you liked this one, didnt you?... so know whos speaking here? you were just talking about the voice laughing, so now i would think the voice was speaking, since the guy didnt laugh, the voice did, so now youre saying what the voice said after it laughed or while it laughed... it said you liked this one, didnt you... i was a little confused at what it ment.. ohh so the voice is saying the man liked that women he killed cause its like shes coming through his subconsious through his writing... but then the rest of the lines didnt make sense.. so then i finally figured out that.. you just started a new line when you shouldnt have.

Title article: My Inspiration: Chapter One.
Date: 2008-08-21 03:10:22
ps
The voice would hibernate until then, haunting me again until the next time I clicked the key of my typewriter.  
 
this doesnt make sense to me... the voice would hibernate until then.. until when? until this point where it just awoke.. like of what i just read? i think you should delete then... or do you mean it like... well i hope to see you again, unTIll THen, goodbye everybody!...? is it? i dont know the then just doesnt make sense!

Title article: My Inspiration: Chapter One.
Date: 2008-08-21 03:03:51
ay
ay not bad... i mainly liked this because i can relate... not cause i killed someone.. but cause i once saw this girl who was like really... i dont know.. like yea really beautiful but..all wrong... no.. She was ugly, but at the same time I couldn't take my eyes off of her. Something about her horrid features pulled together beautifully.. thats exactly how i felt! do you know her too! she was pretty pale and almost looked like a fuckin zombie.. and then i got high and i almost freaked out cause i thought she WAS a zombie.. really, but i couldnt stop staring at her... i wondered if she noticed? but then other then that... i liked the line or concept of rearranging her features cause it was all wrong.. but then you went on and got it all tangled with.. nonsense i guess... but i guess thats the problem in the story right! but then so i guess i didnt like that part.. you should of got it right... and the paper and friend simile didnt really go well together.. and some other stuff

Title article: Movie Theater Blues
Date: 2008-08-20 22:32:05
probly
not the best place to meet someone single.. common sense.. which she does learn... and then going to the movie theatre and seeing her one favorite movie playing... coincedence? or unrealistic plot device? hmmm?... anyway another part where i stumbled was.. everyone in the class were probably engaged or married... change that to was.. and dont give me oh its plural so its were was is singlular... but hey shut up cause its was... everyone.. noun. single. i think. anywho... its kinda odd only now has she had this crisis... so i dont know what you were trying to do here.. at parts it was a bit humorous... like intentionally... but its like... should it be? i guess but i dont know.. you know? i guess it just didnt hold its weight... and probably would of been better in the third person...

Title article: Movie Theater Blues
Date: 2008-08-20 22:15:30
humlamalamalmula
this is a sad story. but you made it not so sad... even when you shouldnt of.. does that make sense? like the grammar and stuff made it unbelievable.. that is i didnt believe a thirty something once lonely women actually wrote this... you know? cause you know like the grammar.. besides all of the obvious hts and such.. which could of been handeled by a simple spell check but was not.. for some reason which i think is a defense system. but i wont argue... but beside that... Marriage and a daughters go hand in hand as soon as the girl is born. should delete the a.. but its still confusing... and does it really go hand in hand when theyre born? what third world country does this take place lol no jk... anyway you go onto use consisted in the same sentence... change one of them to something else... that goes for alot of the other repetition... oh and i didnt realize she was 46.. and still living with her sister... thats kinda out there... but anyway.. oh and ballroom dancing lessons is

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07/14/2008 20:01:54California anyone?Off-Topic517
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OFFLINE jake (colemoriss)
ONLINE Max Booth III (Zombie Punk)
OFFLINE Luke & Lukas (spearmint)
OFFLINE Billy (Vango)
 

Guestbook


Name Entry
Christian Wright (The 13th)

hell
 Created On: 07/09/2008 05:02:59
Edited By Christian Wright (The 13th) On: 07/30/2008 12:52:48
I'm in a better mood now.

Roby Thomas (Roby)

St. Clair Shores, MI
 Created On: 07/08/2008 05:47:02
I don't mind the bad review, it's just stepping stones to making a better story. However, sounds like you know from experience about pills.
Max Booth III (Zombie Punk)

I DONT KNOW!!!
 Created On: 07/04/2008 01:08:06
Edited By Max Booth III (Zombie Punk) On: 07/04/2008 01:09:25
at least your head doesnt hurt...


Your stories are truely inspiring and deserve every reward possible.
Philip Neale (philneale1952)

Derbyshire
 Created On: 07/04/2008 00:37:48
I'll be a liitle more polite.

Good morning......

Phil
Sorrow Is My Mask (resistanceisfreedom)

 Created On: 06/29/2008 18:15:22
AY! Did YOU know that you're a fucking moron????
Christian Wright (The 13th)

in the dark
 Created On: 04/11/2008 06:04:55
oceans 13 is the best film ever!!!

David Neve (Tarhead Mugwump)

hill country, texas
 Created On: 03/20/2008 13:21:12
"i am who i am, and that's all that i am" - popeye...

welcome to storiesville!
R.E.Potter (R.E.Potter)
This e-mail address is being protected from spam bots, you need JavaScript enabled to view it 		Created On: 03/20/2008 12:04:28
Are u a Panda

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