Ebony Eyes

Her name was Carly, Carly Richardson and Ricky had...

The People From The Sky I: Man On The Moon

THE PEOPLE FROM THE SKY PART I:...
Rover (Rover) Profile Page
Rover (Rover)
Hits 750
Online Status OFFLINE
Member Since 03/24/2008
Last Online 07/11/2008
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Stories


Published Short Stories

 
DateTitleCategoryHits
Apr 10, 2008Is this love?Miscellaneous Stories 153
Mar 27, 2008Better run through the jungleMiscellaneous Stories 157
Mar 25, 2008Sleepwalking, pills, and the thing in the fridgeHorror 279
Mar 24, 2008Little JohnnyMiscellaneous Stories 197
Mar 24, 2008The stolen carMiscellaneous Stories 218

Comments

Title article: You learn from every experience happy or sad
Date: 2008-03-29 08:34:25

I hope this is not a true story... 
Speaking strictly of story telling, this could be improved by making it a bit longer, adding details, sensations, anecdotes (maybe some exemple of behavior when the character was depressed?) 
It seems very well written to me, and looks like one of these philosophical tales, with a moral in the end...maybe that was your purpose?

Title article: My Dream
Date: 2008-03-29 08:23:04

The atmosphere seems so peaceful, except in the second part with the water...IMHO, the feeling of panick doesn't really work. I don't know, you could have changed the rythm or something else to suggest that the narrator was really scared? 
But you did a very good job with the imagery, and the symbolism of all the elements presented in your story :)

Title article: 1. The Daily Fish: A Conceptual Requiem
Date: 2008-03-29 08:18:39

This sounds very misterious...I don't know if it's me not getting what the poem is about, or if it was meant to be this way. Anyway I like it, it feels like there is something important that is just out of reech....

Title article: Speed Bump
Date: 2008-03-27 13:36:24

Great sense of humor, I enjoyed reading this a lot :)

Title article: Tragedienne
Date: 2008-03-27 01:00:52

Wow that was creepy! A great read :) 
I loved the progression, it brings a real shocking dimension to the horror. 
One criticism: in the end, the father telling her everything...this sounds like one of these stupid James Bond bad guy, you know? But I guess you didn't have the time to bring a more credible revelation, maybe you were limited in the length if this is something you did for school. Excellent story anyway!

Title article: Consumer
Date: 2008-03-27 00:52:47

Only one thing doesn't make much sense to me: 'Kiss the sky'? 
Apart from that, this is a pretty good poem, about something that is sadly true...

Title article: Sleepwalking, pills, and the thing in the fridge
Date: 2008-03-26 12:32:31

Well, that's up to you to decide if she is the killer, or if a psycho is stalking her :)

Title article: The Visitors
Date: 2008-03-25 09:10:10

This was really a good story, congratulations :) 
Did it take you long to write? The style seems so polished...

Title article: The stolen car
Date: 2008-03-25 00:01:37

Maybe there are too many hints, I don't know...at which point did you understand it? 
Thanks for commenting :)

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Last 10 Forum Posts
DateSubjectCategoryHits
03/25/2008 01:03:42Re:Hi everybodyOff-Topic2039
03/24/2008 15:26:59Hi everybodyOff-Topic2039

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