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Humor
An eternity and four– count them, four– milkshakes later, Shane bids us adieu. He mutters some reason or other for the “early” farewell, but I can’t recall it because I’m overwhelmed by gratitude. Finally, we’re down to a threesome, and I’m dying to tell Morgue my first impressions of his new boyfriend, complete with imitations and exaggerations. Em cuts in before me, however, and...
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Humor
It had been nearly two weeks since that eventful night in Shatsville. PieFace still hadnt fully recovered from the combination of food poisoning & a devastated vagina. All she could remember was that the crazy old pirate had shown her no mercy. PieFace had been in bed most of the time, since Wheaty was off visiting Cletis & wouldnt be back for a few more days. She wished she could have gone but with all those damn splinters...
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Humor
The sun had finally set on Shatsville, with PieFace by her side - Wheaty was ready to set off to find the infamous Pirate Sex Ship. Looking over at PieFace she could tell something was up, Whats wrong with you? You look like death. Wheaty asked, concerned about her spunky little friend. PieFace ran her small sweaty hand through her bright pink Mohawk & muttered out three simple words seafood salad sandwich. That explained it al...
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Humor
With a mouth full of metal, our friendly Friendly’s waitress- Kay or May or something like that– hands me and Em our Super Chocolate Pistachio Vanilla Strawberry Mountain of Amazing Banana Death, known in laymen’s terms as a triple-scoop banana sundae topped with hot fudge and, my God, even more sugar in the form of sprinkles. It’s enough to make my stomach feel like a washing machine on spin cycle, but ...
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Humor
http://www.jessenovels.wordpress.com
(Alive)
Two men are stuck in a deserted island after there boat crashed.
James: Okay, Bob it's time.
Bob: Time for what?
James: How do I break this to you gently. I'm going to eat you.
Bob: What, why?
James: We have no food.
Bob: There's plenty of food.
James: Where?
Bob: We could fish.
James: Are you kidding me?
Bob...
04/14/2008 | 335 Hits | 10 comments |   (6 votes) | Read more...
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Humor
Today a true story from the
vaults of my memory. I was about sixteen or seventeen, and my best friend had
taken me to one of his friend’s houses on a holiday, I don’t recall which
holiday it was. I knew the people in the distant sort of way that small towns
have, but had never been over to their house. It was a nice cozy brick house,
with a freshly-painted barn and stables, nice wooden fences and horses aplenty
roaming the pas...
04/14/2008 | 223 Hits | 5 comments | (3 votes) | Read more...
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Humor
The next morning, I get up around nine because I’m not in the mood to sleep in. My mind’s running rabid with daydreams of Em– the kind that make me glad my mom goes to work early in the morning– but I’m also getting stressed about Morgue. He really didn’t seem like himself yesterday. Someone who didn’t know him well would chalk it up just to the fact that he just got out of a relationship, but I can tell ...
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Humor
While everyone else was making lists of what they would do differently in the new year, Ed was making a list of things he needed from the hardware store. He was pretty happy with where he was at 37 years of age and couldn't really think of any resolutions to write down. Anyway he knew that his wife would make a list for him, so he didn't have to worry about it. Recycle the beer can collection in the living room, dust the antlers, put the b...
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Humor
This story is another one
from when I was growing up, which was originally related to me by my step-dad,
a wonderful man that reminded me more of Mayberry's Sherriff Taylor than any
other human I ever met. Later on in my life, I had a chance to verify the story
with some people who were there that day, so I can relate it to you with a
certain amount of honesty, if not direct quotations.
We were riding across the farm in his truck when...
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Humor
Well, at that
point, everything was going to hell pretty quickly. I remember one elf that
took off running, his little bells all jingling and flapping on the end of his
scarf as he tried to get away. I threw the shotgun up and cut him down with it,
by that point we had decided that the only way to save the world was to
eliminate the threat every time we saw one of the little green-suited trolls.
To stamp the abomination out. The little el...
04/12/2008 | 91 Hits | 2 comments | (4 votes) | Read more...
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Humor
After talking for a while with Em on her porch, we decided we could meet up tomorrow at Friendly's for a date--and see where it goes from there. Now it's getting dark and quiet, in a really pleasant kind of way that it can only get in the summer, and the crickets sing in the background beside me as I walk, as if they know how amazingly my day has gone. I say walk, but I really mean float, because I feel like the gravity’s...
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Humor
Mc Kintyre watched as the ambulance containing Turnbull and the two fire engines drove away. Looking at Turnbulls notebook he saw that Mrs Jean Evans the proprietor of the spar shop was the person who discovered the severed foot of Mr Green and reported it to the police, this seemed as good a place as any to start, he crossed the road and approached the shop. Running the gauntlet of teenagers around the door with their mou...
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Humor
So you may be starting to wonder how a perfectly straight guy ended up working at an indie beauty store. Well it basically comes down to three things: I’m lazy (and greedy), Kay’s my aunt’s neighbor’s girlfriend’s sister or some shit like that, and Morgan Berkley is the most persuasive person I’ve ever known. If he was a better liar, he’d make a good politician. Anyway, about two summer...
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Humor
Life or legend? Myth or reality? Deviant sexual predator or merely misunderstood? These questions shroud the existence of one man, one man known to most by the name of Albert, although it is unclear if this is a pseudonym or in fact the name his mother "blessed" him with at birth.
He lives in a grotty 2 bedroom flat in a hidden cul-de-sac deep in the depths of south London. For years little was known about Albert, and sti...
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Humor
[feedback appreciated]
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Ch. 1
My best friend Morgue’s tapping out a garage-rock symphony with his ratty-ass Converses as he stares at the clock, just like the rest of us are staring at the clock. Emma, our sole cashier, is having some hot tongue play with her plum-purple bubblegum. I’m mostly quiet, but even I’m cracking my knuckles, half-absentmindedly, and really, can you blame me? There&rs...
04/09/2008 | 117 Hits | 2 comments | (2 votes) | Read more...
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Humor
When Cromford got back to the station there was a terse memo waiting for him on his desk, Chief inspector Arkright wished to see him immediately. He left his office and hurried down the corridor, as he neared the duty desk he could hear the two P.C's with their backs to him laughing or could that be sniggering, he approached the desk.
‘What's...
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Humor
I was sitting next to a man standing on the bus. He had a large
smelly pack on his back. The bulging hump swelled from his spine like a
horrendous brown boil and was tied up with old rope to keep it form
belching out its contents in a life ending sigh. From the pack was tied
a smaller satchel that oblivious to him, swayed back and forth with the
uneven rhythm of the bus. Thump. thump… thump. It was hitting me in the
face.
I s...
04/09/2008 | 119 Hits | 2 comments | (1 vote) | Read more...
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Humor
The sun rose slowly over Badon hill, the first golden ray's illuminating Bramford a sleepy rural village in the heart of England. This morning in late summer it looked at it's best, flowers bloomed in profusion in gardens around the village green and in the magnificent hanging baskets bracketed around the wall's of the village pub the Bramford arm's The overall effect was that of the cover of Country life magazine, and yet thankfully the villag...
04/07/2008 | 119 Hits | 3 comments | (3 votes) | Read more...
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Humor
this is part one of a joke i wrote, granted, i wrote it when i was somewhat tired, but my friends like it.
One day i was getting ready for work. I just woke up and I was
stumbling like I was drunk....ok i was hungover. Anyway, i took a
shower, eat breakfast, the basics. I was about to walk out the door
when suddenly, i tripped and my key,the only key i had, that i was
holding fell straight down the vent that was by the couch. I ...
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Humor
STORY TO BE PUT UP LATER
~Aj
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Short Stories 
