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Humor
The Worthless Summer
By Kelsey Ethan McIntyre
BEEP!
BEEP! BEEP! BEEP! BEEP!
I
had no choice but to shut my alarm clock off, because it was getting annoying
only after five seconds.
I
looked at the time and it was 7:00, the time my alarm clock is set to. I tried
to stay up for a minute but I got tired and went back to bed.
"Shawn,
get up!" said my mom.
I
looked at my alarm clock a...
02/13/2008 | 419 Hits | 2 comments |   (5 votes) | Read more...
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Humor
Two
people meet at a cuisine fashion restaurant; the waiter arrives with the menus.
(Maria
and Adam sits)
Maria: (looking at the menu) Do you know what you want Adam.
Adam: (looking) hmmm… I think the Callerina soup sounds good.
Maria: Uhhh Adam dear do you really
want to order that soup?
Adam: Why not?
Maria: Don’t you remember?
Adam: Remember what?
Maria: Well last ti...
02/11/2008 | 222 Hits | 4 comments | (3 votes) | Read more...
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Humor
Consider this self-help. For when No just doesn't cut it by itself. Often times we are presented with choices. Someone confronts us and expresses that they would like to "go out", "be an item", "get to know one another better" or some other ridiculous notion. Sometimes this is a good thing, because the person is a hunk-of-a-man or supermodel. In most cases though, this is not the ...
02/11/2008 | 294 Hits | 3 comments | (2 votes) | Read more...
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Humor
So, my friend introduces me to her new boyfriend and my mind immediately goes into Not Him mode, “Not him. Come on, you are so much better than… that.”
I mean, if I knew she was that desperate, I would have helped. She’s good looking; she’s got what it takes. Hey, if I wasn’t married, I’d consider her. Definitely. But, that’s beside the point....
02/11/2008 | 216 Hits | 2 comments | (1 vote) | Read more...
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Humor
Two hours into Africa, Tempest and Cornelius ran out of money and glow sticks. Tempest didn’t really miss the money, but the glow sticks had really helped the journey pass quickly and now all that was left was Cornelius’s rambling anecdotes about the war.
“And another thing…” Cornelius mumbled on, “the jungle is not place to hold a naked charity fun run. Half my company was shot dead, and alth...
02/11/2008 | 186 Hits | 2 comments | (2 votes) | Read more...
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Humor
“What the?!?” yelled the little boy who loved to laugh at stupid or ugly people when in turn he was rather stupid and looked like a shaved baboon and usually smelled like one too. He wasn’t yelling at just any random bystander the first thing he noticed was the shaking ground. It moved in such a way it was like standing in the middle of a teeter-totter. When he looked around he saw this giant pancake looking thing walking towa...
02/10/2008 | 246 Hits | 3 comments | (5 votes) | Read more...
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Humor
What is humor? Is it something that makes someone laugh? Is it merely a feeling. My opinion of humor is something you can laugh at and not only something, but someone.
***
“The Mississippi River is the longest river in North America. The flowing waters at one point meet with the Missouri,” the stern never laughing teacher said. You could tell he saw Tom goofing off. He asked Tom to repeat what he had said.
...
02/10/2008 | 232 Hits | 4 comments | (5 votes) | Read more...
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Humor
ADULT CONTENT: FOUL LANGUAGE AND LOTS OF VIOLENCE
Kagome: Inuyasha! Oh, where are you?
Inuyasha: Oh, drat, not her again!
Kagome: Yoo-hoo.
Inuyasha: (sneaks even deeper into the bushes)
Kagome: Sit!
Bushes fall into deep pit.
Kagome: Ha! I knew you were there!
Inuyasha: thinking: "If you knew, you didn't have to crush me, you goddamn bitch!"
Kagome: (walk...
02/08/2008 | 746 Hits | 1 comment | (5 votes) | Read more...
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Humor
So there I was, looking at the ticket as I handed it to the lady behind the desk at the Lottery Commission. I had undergone enormous tests of bravery and courage to get that ticket, and after the sacrifice that I had bloody made, I firmly believed that I deserved that 30 million dollars.
It started four weeks ago, when my roommate Jack, came into the lounge and said
“Hey fuckwit, can I borrow ten dollars?”
&ld...
02/07/2008 | 751 Hits | 20 comments | (11 votes) | Read more...
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Humor
It was winter break, I was a senior in high school and I had been chilling all break. I'm not a big fan of winter. It gets dark way too quick and its way to cold in these Missouri hills for my fancy. I had started the day like any other day thus far; got out of bed, Emailed some bodies in other states, popped in some Pop Tarts and set down to view my current favorite flick ("High Society") for about the 20 to 30th ti...
02/07/2008 | 269 Hits | 7 comments | (2 votes) | Read more...
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Humor
He felt the tears come; he could not stop them. I mustn’t cry, he thought, I must not give them the satisfaction. But, he did cry. He cried for this and for all the previous things they had done to him.
No, he didn’t cry. He was just pissed. The previous narrator thought he had cried, but he didn’t. Instead he took out his sawed-off shot-gun and blasted them to –
&nbs...
02/06/2008 | 207 Hits | 3 comments | (6 votes) | Read more...
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Humor
Memoirs of a Broken Heart - by Paul Goosia
(This is based on a true story which occurred in my imagination :-)
She walked into the video store, and Bob knew it was love at third sight. He had seen her twice already that day, in a local book store and in a parking lot, but there was something about the way she strolled in, as she entered the adult section at the back. Bob had already been there for at least ...
02/05/2008 | 353 Hits | 4 comments | (4 votes) | Read more...
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Humor
There was once a woman who was so fat that she looked like a flat pancake when standing straight up. She is currently on top of me now. I running short of breathe...so I can't continue this story, ...... s-o-r-r-y...
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Humor
The King and His Jester
As told by Brandon Blacka
A long, long, long, long, long time ago in a land far, far, far, ... well you get the idea.
Anyway, there was once a king who ruled over all the land he could see with an iron fist. He was a rather w...
01/31/2008 | 271 Hits | 4 comments | (2 votes) | Read more...
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Humor
I walked into the dorm room just in time to watch Jack, Nick, and Clare drop their pants.
"Whoa," I screamed. "Someone please explain."
The three broke into laughter.
"It's national drop trough week, Toby," Clare said. "We read about it on the internet. Everyday you're suppose to get with your friends and drop your pants."
"So come on," Nick said, reaching over and je...
01/31/2008 | 264 Hits | 2 comments | (1 vote) | Read more...
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Humor
My
wife and I have been married for only a few years now, and we have
been doing just fine. I am very good at my job, she is a very good
cook, and our house is quite large. Fortunately, she does not smoke
like I do. As a child, I promised myself to be a good example, to
follow the law, and I am glad that I did. Even when I had turned 18
and could legally smoke I did not have an interest. But just before I
married, I just started. I do n...
01/30/2008 | 366 Hits | 8 comments | (5 votes) | Read more...
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Humor
Tempest Peacock stood up and shook the crumbs from his jacket like a man in a jacket with crumbs on it. The crumbs didn’t mind, they’re inanimate objects. As they tumbled to the floor like so many torn betting slips at a dog track he looked around the smoke filled room with a sense of apprehension.
At the opposite wall, sitting in a large green sofa in the manner of a frog on its favourite lily-pad, his friend Cornelius Hawks...
01/29/2008 | 185 Hits | 1 comment | (2 votes) | Read more...
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Humor
The Luton Tigress
For most of mankind's history, the wolf, the tiger the whippet sloth and other natural predators have been the subject of humanity's fear and fascination alike. With modern high-powered weaponry such as the musket and pistol we have shifted the balance in our favour, banishing these beasts from our nightmares and driving many of them to the brink of extinction and beyond. However some beasts are still quite...
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Humor
Deja vu is... hang on, wait. What the? Haven't I already written this story? Sorry
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Humor
Ashes
I
met her in an apocalyptic field. That was back when the earth had just started
to crack. It seemed like she was all alone waiting for the sky to fall…………….
Now
we sit here waiting for it to die. The planet is fading away with time. It’s
weird that I met her in this horrible period ...
01/25/2008 | 280 Hits | 7 comments | (8 votes) | Read more...
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Short Stories 
