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Humor
HOW TO LOSE WEIGHT AND MAKE FRIENDS WITH PROPER DIET.
Many people in America wish to lose weight so the S.I. team is heeding those desperate calls. Now a lot of experts will tell you that eating right and exercising is the proper way to diet. Well that's just not true folks. The easiest ways have been daunted with heavy criticism and have sadly even been...
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Humor
In the first chapter Bruce helped a crying college student feel better about herself. In the second he watched his grandmother die. In the third he was assaulted by Hispanic perverts. And now Bruce is trying to get home. Will he make it?
I walked for two agonizing miles before sitting down near a schoolyard to rest for half an hour. I found a...
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Humor
The Castle of Insanity
"I have never seen a greater monster or miracle in the world than myself."
---Michel de Montaigne
It's Halloween night again and I find myself sitting alone in my castle at the top of the hill. My black cat sleeps in my lap and my glass eye rests on the nightstand beside my rocking chair. My remaining good eye focuses on the...
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Humor
Since a very young age, I was homeschooled. It was an absolutely wonderful time, spending hours with a bitchy and tired mother and waiting for everything to end while I took the opportunity to sleep, eat, and play while she cooled herself off.
It was when I was 17. I was going on a trip to a theatre. My brother was going to high school at the moment (because he wanted to. Don't...
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Humor
I need to talk to you. Please sit down, this will only take a second. I know I asked you over for a game of Canasta, but just give me a few seconds of your time. 30 minutes, max.
I see potential in you. You working for me would really send my business places that it could never go before. What business you ask? I thought you would ask that. That's why I want you to watch this DVD.
(I...
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Humor
Warning: This story is semi-foul. The worst in the series. Don't read it if you have any decency.
Driving down 68th St. I passed the local Wal-Mart and decided to stop by for some groceries. As I was driving out of the parking lot and towards the intersection for 67th St. I became aware of a figure standing on the median close to the red light. He was a disabled...
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Humor
St. Mary's Retirement Home was by definition a religious community. Sure there were wards for the nonreligious but you could bet that when you checked into your room there would be a picture of Jesus the all mighty and all of his friends there to greet you; including your very own complimentary Bible. The staff would also come by every Sunday to invite you to mass thinking that even if...
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Humor
He half threw, half sat himself into the empty space across from the tall, twenty something blond girl sitting by herself in the booth.
"What do you want?" he demanded.
"Hey, sweetie! It's good to see you again!" she said cheerfully.
He sighed. "What do you want?" he questioned again,...
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Humor
As I walked out of Southeast Community College on a bright 77 degree August morning I scanned the parking lot looking for my silver Ford Taurus. With an intent gaze I rotated my head witnessing students getting into their cars as they talked on cell phones. Some of these individuals appeared to believe that if they stopped talking even for a second their phone would initiate the...
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Humor
You
find yourself lying upon a urine soaked mattress in a Stalinist style bed-sit
on the outskirts of Wisbech St Slurry, sporting an ‘Ian Rush' moustache and going
bald, you have reached rock bottom. At thirty two years of age you can safely
say you've achieved nothing that modern consumerist society would deem
acceptable. The bed sit is fitted out with a 9 inch black and white...
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Humor
Tucker Van,"Tuck",senior sales rep. for Babylon Industries was lost. He was now going on near 2 hours of having completely no clue as to where he was...or where he was headed. So I guess you can clearly classify that as being lost. But for good ole' Tuck things would...
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Humor
( Son, It's Time You Became A Man)
Father: Son, your growing up.
Father puts his hand on his seven year old son shoulder'.
Father: And, you have the soul of a warrior.
Son: I do?
Father: You do.
Son: Cool.
Father: Nothing can hurt you, Son, you are God.
...
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Humor
Warning: This story has some graphic descriptions. Don't read if you're easily disgusted.
It was time to pay rent and once again I didn't have the money. I needed the money. I walked into my roommate Jack's room seeing if he could spot me for a month.
"You already owe me rent from what three months ago?" He said ruffling through some absurd...
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Humor
( On some message board....)
In betwEEn tHe edGes: What is your personal best when it comes to drinking? Me personally, on one of the few occasions that I can remember.....It was during a Colts game - I remember having a case of 24 starting from 10am to 10 or 11 at night.
What's your record?
...
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Humor
I have been writing for a few years now and had zero
success, if success is measured in monetary value, being able to eat, or living
in a place with a roof.
But I have changed my format somewhat over the last couple
of years, and some things that I used to rely upon in my stories I've dropped,
only to rediscover those habits years later as I go through my archives,...
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Humor
Now the land was full and the roads roamed with filthy whores and dogs of gore. Clouds of human gass's filled the air within this Empire of Insanity and it had been ruled under a dick f*** named TONE. Little did he know that his death awaited him outside his gates. Now I must add some whack filled Sh** to this tale to make it somwhat humerious so on with my F***ing story.
Now outside this...
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Humor
This is not a story, but something far more profound. This is truth. Everything that happens to the character within these pages actually happened to me. Everything. I was at ground zero of Operation ROCO, knee-deep in the soup of it.
This account is a testament to my introspective terror.
"I don't know if I'm comfortable with this," I told...
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Humor
Note: This is my second attempt at humor, so don't be too harsh. Billy is angry at Santa, here's his letter.
Dear Santa,
I know this is weird since I'm writing to you on the 26th, the day after Christmas. Well, I went to the mall and told you I wanted the Red Power Ranger, the snowglobe with the pizza in it, a bike, a new computer, and a cute black cat....
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Humor
Oh my God Brian what did you do to your dog?
Oh you mean Biz Quick?
Yeah I mean Biz Quick! He's lost all of his fur and has patches of fucking carpet stapled onto him.
First of all they're not stapled on dude. I used a hot glue gun. Second of all,
I'm not a monster. I know you're thinking that.
I'm thinking that you're fucked up! *sigh* Why the hell did...
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Humor
"What the fuck is wrong with you, man?"
"What are you talking about?"
"Dude, why would you let those assholes in?" I asked my best friend.
"Who? The Jehovah's Witnesses?"
"Yeah the Jehovah's Witnesses!"
"What's wrong with them?"
"Dude, don't you have any common sense? Those guys are just a...
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