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Humor
Outside, in the yard, right up against the lone oak in the middle of that sea of dark green, are Morgue and his ex-boyfriend. That much I’ll admit is true and undeniable. They’re behind the tree, and so all I can really see is a little blue patch of hair besides a long black patch of hair, along with a dark mixture of fabric, but it’s obvious it’s them. They’re there, outside, and though the sun’s beginning to ...
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Humor
Hey Lester do you ever play any games while you're driving?
What're you talking about games?
You know, steering with your chin, splashing water on people, trying to come as close to a kid as you can without hitting him you know stuff like that.
Wait Daryl are you saying that you're juvenile enough to splash water on people when there're puddles on the street?
Well I wasn't directly talking about that one but...
05/15/2008 | 61 Hits | 2 comments |   (4 votes) | Read more...
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Humor
[A/N: It's been a while...and I apologize. I've been busy with other things...like attempting to finish my abandoned stories. xP Forgive me?]
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You know what’s annoying? When you’re calling someone and you know they’re there but for some reason they’re taking entire centuries just to pick up the phone? And it’s like, annoying to the sixth power when you’re dying to talk to them because it ...
05/14/2008 | 66 Hits | 3 comments | (2 votes) | Read more...
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Humor
It was the mushrooms that brought us together that night; well; at least it was the mushrooms that brought me to this place that night. I was high on life, mushrooms, Buckfast and crap resin, I wasn't interested in the beans that were sprouting that night because I had already witnessed a couple of victims puke their guts out and blame it on the dodgy pills that were floating about; nothing dodgier that dodgy pills. But what was she doing here?...
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Humor
Oats. Gordon H Sharp
Crumbleton Abbey, Surrey.
4th June.
The semblance of a smile creased the ugly features of the little man crouching in the dense shrubbery of the large, untidy, country garden.
His thin, cruel lips opened to reveal a mouthful of blackened and broken teeth. Peering through the vegetation his bloodshot eyes were unblinking. Like a snake waiting to strike its unsuspecting victim.
...
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Humor
I saw her picking up a bag of kibbles n bits eyeing the price tag as she placed it in her cart next to the Pantene pro V anti-dandruff shampoo and the aqua fresh toothpaste. I didn’t know what her name was but I knew that I wanted her to take over every aspect of my life because she was perfect and I was weird. I watched as she turned her cart and slowly left the aisle leaving me alone holding a bottle of pert plus daily conditioner. I kn...
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Humor
Greg walked into Barry's house, bloodied by his girlfriend.
"What happened?" Barry asked.
"Jenny thought I was cheating and kicked my ass. She says she's gonna call the cops on me for assault, and I didn't do nothing!"
"But dude, you got your ass kicked by a girl."
"Yeah, but let's look at the bigger picture---"
"Yeah, that picture of you gettin your ass whooped by a g...
05/11/2008 | 302 Hits | 11 comments | (4 votes) | Read more...
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Humor
The idea for this insult to the craft of writing came to me when I worked at McDonalds. My manager sent me to the storage building to retrieve a sleeve of coffee cups. The rest, as they say, is history. Isn't it strange where you can find inspiration these days? Enjoy!
Phil was lonely, as he lay dormant inside the plastic wrap with his fellow brothers and sisters that made up th...
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Humor
(We Love Your Cock)
Infomercial
Announcer: Is your cock sad? Has your cock lost it’s magic touch. Well, never fear! Here, at the Cock Lovers, we will take your cock, in our hands. That’s right, we will treat your cock with the love it needs. We will pet it, kiss it and spoil it to death. Some people say our kisses can get a cock wild. It doesn’t ...
05/10/2008 | 87 Hits | 2 comments | (2 votes) | Read more...
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Humor
Humor With a Purpose
Adam and His Rib
&n...
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Humor
Can you pack? Have you any idea what is involved? Do you dare to attempt it unsupervised? Well, no I can’t, no I haven’t the faintest idea and no not in a month of Sundays. All that clear enough? I don’t even have the courage to pack my own sandwiches for lunchtime at work. I’d rather give tablets to either of our cats and that is deserving of at least an award for bravery above and beyond the call of duty – there&...
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Humor
In our age of high speed satellite communication news gathering is almost instantaneous but for those reporting events in earlier times, weeks or even months may have passed before any details emerged. The circumstances surrounding the Norman invasion of England, if related using modern technology, may have sounded something like this…………………
Good evening I am Tim McDougall in the ...
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Humor
Tuesday, 5th June
Dear Mom
How unfair is this? I get done out of my birthright by that cow Hera, dad can’t do anything about it because he’d already opened his big mouth about the succession and Eurystheus gets the job, and now I’m up for murder because I let myself get all worked up about it. I tell you if this is justice, I’m a monkey’s uncle.
&nb...
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Humor
A story about a girlfriend's family and their strange grieving habits.
Holly had invited me to her grandfather’s funeral in the exact fashion one would a wedding. I received a black invitation with white lace cordially inviting me to the Peskidan’s send off ceremony for their deceased. Holly and I had been going out for two months and now I was finally being forced to meet her family&...
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Humor
[I know, I know, finally...I apologize for the delay. I've just been lazy.]
So it’s finally Wednesday, that day in the school week by when you’re already exhausted but you’re still clinging on with your last sweaty finger because you’ve reached the peak, the top, the summit. It only goes downhill from there...and for once, I mean that in a good way. After Wednesday, my mind has offic...
05/05/2008 | 65 Hits | 2 comments | (2 votes) | Read more...
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Humor
A 'petrol powered catholic' Dad sat snugly in his ‘wing backed’ chair facing his solar powered protestant son. Forlorn of face was the mechanised catholic, and slack of arm was the environmentally friendly protestant offspring. The purple velvet material of the chair pressed against the dads leathery old pig skin so hard that it made seven beef burgers and a wrench which had been shrink wrapped in polythene look like something you cou...
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Humor
Sinai
31st July
Dear God
Further to our little chat on the
mountain the other day and the instructions you gave to me for forwarding to
the masses, there are a few things that have been puzzling me. I think its
best, if it’s alright with you, that we sort this out before I release them for
publication. I know you are our God almighty, Omniscient, Omnipresent and all
that, I appreciate that a lot of thought must have...
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Humor
Keith and Joe, two young lads, started running through the tree and rock littered field. The sun was high in the clear blue, cloudless sky, but that offered no protection. They ran through the dirt patches; and when they went threw the thick, green grass, they were reminded of what haunted them. Sweat dripped down from their baseball caps. They were just walking to Joe’s home from their practice. But they made one serious m...
05/03/2008 | 143 Hits | 2 comments | (3 votes) | Read more...
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Humor
Life for Jimmy Colten was uneventful; even predictable, but today he would soon discover his ordinary world would be anything but.
Jimmy Colten’s ordinary world was that of a ninja. He would plod along through work everyday, assasinate someone here, spy on someone there, all the while thinking to himself: sigh! Why is life so boring? Jimmy had been doing his job for ten years now, and he was sick of it. Sick of the routine of c...
05/03/2008 | 81 Hits | 9 comments | (4 votes) | Read more...
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Humor
For some reason, over the last few days, with all my teachers rabidly force-feeding any and all information that may be vaguely pertinent to the looming final exams coming up in just a few weeks, I don’t have much time to investigate what exactly had gone on with Will & Grace over there in Emoville; instead I’m finding myself poring over textbooks I had never opened before, reading facts about events I know I should remember but c...
05/02/2008 | 76 Hits | 2 comments | (3 votes) | Read more...
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Short Stories 
