Dominate the House

The birth of my nephew is what brought me back to...

STORIES FROM CAMP 6, Chapter 1

THE RED HAT ( Dedicated to W.J.Martin)...
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BGM (BGM)
Hits 13216
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Member Since 06/12/2007
Last Online 10/13/2008
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Total number of comments: 346

Title article: I think I love you robot, Chapter 2
Date: 2008-10-04 21:16:40

Such familiar ground. The nature of his being, the woman's unsatisfaction... I absolutely loved this.  
 
Very well written. Consistent. 
 
A favorite.

Title article: Confessions of a Teenage Psyche Case
Date: 2008-09-23 11:04:07

Was, for the most part, clever & hilarious. 
 
Really liked it.

Title article: Hoodlyfe Chronicles, Chapter 3
Date: 2008-09-19 13:59:10

Eh, chapters 2 & 3 all seem like you're writing down something from a movie I've seen before; the gangster concept is overdone and in the first chapter I thought maybe you'd make this particular story your own somehow, but you're not; this lacks innovation. I know you're a decent writer, that is, your conjugation skills aren't retarded, but to be a good/great writer, you need a distinct writing style, and semi-original ideas (to say the least).

Title article: Hoodlyfe Chronicles, Chapter 1
Date: 2008-09-15 13:48:17

This is more of a prelude, but I am highly interested in what is to follow. There's a glance of humor in this (ex. bold font with "I am Daunte, and this is my life" sorta 'I am Daunte hear me roar', I dunno, seemed like foreboding music should have played in the background, no, more like Eminem should have been rapping some 'my life is utter crap' or 'i've had it rough' lyrics). I'm really looking forward to the next chapter though.

Title article: Wisdom Is For The Birds
Date: 2008-09-05 15:56:53

I like this line, "'Your wings are to be chariots to bring others to my presence.'" When one is birthed with a distinguishing talent, strength, or ability it should be used for the greater good, but most commonly when people have outstanding traits they become full of themselves and pretentious, seeking their own gratification, it's almost punishable. The all around message was a good one. I enjoyed the fact that you wrote a parable to simply illustrate a good lesson; Jesus did it for a reason, because they're highly effective. Good job.

Title article: Sometimes It Still Hurts
Date: 2008-09-05 15:45:16

Forgot to add the mother (and people) too ridiculously close to "have noticed nothing odd", and the religious group that employed such detestable tactics to mend the situation with the degenerate stepfather.

Title article: Sometimes It Still Hurts
Date: 2008-09-05 15:37:11

I am very fervently hoping that this is not sections of an autobiography (you filed it under miscellaneous and not non-fiction). I don't quite know what to say. Since I cannot honestly empathize, I'd imagine whatever supposed form of console I'd have to offer would seem insensitive. But I am, of course, appalled with the barbarism and depravity of talked about man.  
 
Told engagingly well.

Title article: The Monkey
Date: 2008-09-05 12:29:43

The descriptive details were well-written and were what held my attention the majority of the time (particularly those pertaining to the apes'; which, was where you most strongly drew an image for the reader), rather than the events. Humorous too. The narrating was also very well done. Highly enjoyed it, but the conclusion (i.e the last paragraph) crippled the rest of the story a bit, it didn't quite live up to the rest, as if it were written in haste...

Title article: There Is No Me Without You
Date: 2008-09-05 10:57:58

I'll give it a high rating because I think you've accurately captured the emotion you set out to project. But that last statement, "Love Forever," is a drag to read; that's when it went from cute and warm to corny and uncomfortable.

Title article: Life As He Knew It.
Date: 2008-08-26 15:36:37

I'm assuming the whole deal with the beverages is alluding to the women they had going back and forth between them, I dunno; if that's the case the orange juice bit was humorous, as were other instances in this. But I wasn't enticed into going any further with this, in trying to decipher the rest. Dialog format's bad, but you know that.

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05/14/2008 08:49:48Re:What's inside your noggin?Off-Topic47929
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